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I've joined a dating site, and it's not going well. The profiles seem more humorous than interesting. All these women are either super hott that requires their mate to be rich and owns a car. What i find comical is that the Fugly ones with the kids seem to have even more rediculous conditions than the attractive ones do.

I was told that the dating sites are a waste of time, and I see why. I want to give this another month or two before giving up on it. If this final attempt fails, i'll call off the search, and let that perfect mate find me.

It makes me sad that the odds of finding a suitable mate before sept 3, 2012 are very slim. But even so, I cannot be depressed. Kitty helped me rebuild my life, and i cannot waste that effort over a silly dream. After all, I don't need a girlfriend or a wife. But even so, I do want a family. My conflicting emotions are keeping me from what I wish for.

I really don't see why it's so tough. Is it really that hard to find an emotionallly stable woman who is kind and gentle; funny and creative; and a strong desire for a loving family? Kitty says that this is not a lot to ask for, but out of experience it is hard to find. I can only assume that I am not doing anything wrong, and choosing to be alone is only fair.

This life that I am rebuilding; it is mine to decide whether or not I want to share it with anyone. But I haven't found anyone who is both willing and deserving to. Even so, I still have to try, even if it's only a little.