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Entry~
I'm not crying.
I thought I was going to cry, out of regret, out of something...
But...I'm not. I'm not really surprised, now that I think about it.
And y'know, I don't really want to talk about it with anybody. They may know me, but there are parts of me that are still a mystery. Including my love life.
I broke up with Al. After the whole thing with Jinx and Raz telling me that Lena was probably flirting with him, and the fact he just never showed up...
I was thinking. I was thinking hard.
And well, I realized something. Throughout our relationship, all of those feelings...I realized that I was well, forcing myself to believe them.
After all, I never actually started falling for him until after everyone started teasing me. 'You two would make a cute couple', 'He totally likes you', 'Aww you like him~'
...They...they eventually got to me, I guess. It just didn't feel right. While it was fun, I...
It didn't feel real.
I guess in the back of my head, I always knew it was going to happen. After all, Al was never really the type of guy I found myself into...I feel shallow saying that.
But it's still the truth, and to quote Chesherr; "The truth is harsh, get over it."
But..yeah. Rika can call me as many names as she wants, or view me however she likes. Maybe she thinks that we're going to get back together, or I did it for whatever reason.
And yeah, I did do it for a lot of reasons. But the biggest one was always that.
...The only thing I really regret was how easy it was. How easily he was just sorta like 'You're breaking up with me? Can I have your reason? ...Oh, okay.'
Y'know, even then? It just sorta makes me more at terms with reality.
Maybe Rika thinks we'll get back together. Maybe she thinks I'm the biggest idiot ever, that I'll regret it later.
But some broken things?
You just can't fix.
 Siyaahi · Tue Jan 24, 2012 @ 03:07am · 1 Comments |
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