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5th-Feb-2009 08:25 pm - [protected post] Posting...
waycest
You know the only thing I ever seem to have been doing was writing. And I got my heads stuck so far in the clouds, that reality pulled me down by my throat and threatened to kill me if I didn't get my s**t together. Okay... maybe that's slightly confusing, and dramatic but it works.

But basically, I wasn't doing my school work (homework especially) and then I was abandoning some of my family for other things. For example, I'd rather stay home instead of going to my grandmother's house, or my dad's house, so I can post and such.

Well that posting, writing, my head was filled with ideas. And they wouldn't stop, and I wouldn't stop writing. I mean you can see all the stories I have written since September. Yeah, that's how long I wrote consistently. Like if I wasn't posting on the internet, then I would be writing in school, when I was supposed to be doing my homework. It was really bad. I kept coming up with more and more ideas. And then the Bikey chapts, and all. I was driving myself nuts with them.

So now it is February, I have no urge really to write, but to actually get my homework done. If I did my homework last quarter, I would of pulled off really good grades. But instead I ******** up and made 70's which isn't bad considering I'm in Honors for most of my classes, and they could of given me way worse.

I do feel bad for all of my friends that read this stuff that I write though. It's feels like I should be writing something for them. Well I did promise a chapter for every holiday and we have Valentine's Day and President's Day coming up soon. So I guess I will write some Bikey love for those days... (Valentine's Day especially), while I am at home with nothing to do and no where to go. And love sucks... so I don't really like Valentine's Day, but for my mom it's better than Christmas.

I also feel bad for ditching Sarah and Katie for the past few days. I didn't have any clue that Katie was going to be staying after school, so I didn't know that meant Sarah walking by herself to the stop. But I feel like I can't make the people around me happy. I know Katie is somewhat a perfectionist, but I can't make her happy when she has grades she doesn't like. (She did way better than me) And then I feel like me and Sarah aren't connecting completely. She talks about anime more than ever, and I can only get into a few. I mean I don't watch much, unless it relates to music. Somedays, I feel like the worse friend ever.
Take an example of today. I left them early to get on a bus that I normally don't get on. But I knew I had to leave early to get on that one. I wasn't going directly home anyway. I was trying to wait patiently, because Sarah doesn't like me to open her locker, so I went to the bathroom, came back out, and she and Katie were in a middle of a conversation. Well I had no clue what they were talking about. So I stood there like waiting for a few more minutes until she opened the locker. I also went over to Ashley, to ask her something about Tana. And then my mom called. I pulled out my coat, didn't even zip it up, hugged them and left. I feel like there is something wrong with me when it comes to them. I sort of wish Sarah would talk online to me some more. I would be slightly happier.
But I rarely see them any more for like a few minutes in the morning, and then a few minutes after school and then when ever we're passing by each other. I've begun going to the gym during my lunch periods, because I don't want to be in the cafeteria alone. It's hard, and I don't like many of the girls there anyway.

So when I get home I look forward to getting on the internet and chatting it up with a few of the girls that I normally talk to. They're so cool to me and all, and they all seem to be younger. I feel like the internet is like a place that I can belong to these people. It's friendship, and knowing that you're not alone. I'm not the only out cast that MCR saved the life of. Yeah all of them I talk to are MCR survivors. I wish they could all meet each other one day.




13th-Feb-2009 07:30 pm - [protected post] If you really knew me...
waycest
Stole this from Olivia because this is actually something I feel like doing. So, finish the sentence. If you really knew me, you'd know...

If you really knew me, you'd know... I wear myself down trying to make sure other people are happy before I am.
If you really knew me, you'd know... At the end of the day I am super miserable and can't stand to even be myself.
If you really knew me, you'd know... I have trouble making good friends, and I doubt the people who are my friends all the time.
If you really knew me, you'd know... I want to always know why we are doing something, because I'll really not do it if it doesn't have a purpose.
If you really knew me, you'd know... I feel more conected to people on the computer, than the people I call my best friends.


Now it's your turn. Finish the sentence.