quiet nights are spent searching the web
pouring through article after article
obituary after another
trying to find some evidence he still exists.
-
you're dizzy
dazed
confused.
you're seeing through a kiladoscope
but it's not pretty like they promised.
the word "love" never enters your mind
but somehow it's not enough consoliation
to make it hurt any less.
-
the thought occurs to you one night
that maybe you weren't enough to come back to
that maybe he's off living a perfect life
without you.
(how selfish of you.)
-
each night you silently offer a plea
to whatever unknown silence listens
that he'll come back.
but when you read about deaths
about detonations and unfound persons
you wish the silence would just answer.
-
you ignore the persistent voice that tells you
he's never coming back.
that you lost him more than you've lost anyone.
-
the words 'this isn't goodbye' reverberate off your skull.
they jump around in circles around you
it's what you hide under your pillow
under your eyelids.
-
you take your time walking
you hope when you look up it will be him
with his crooked smile and uneven ears.
all his soft perfection and warm embrace staring at you.
in reality you look up
and see
no one.
faggulicious Community Member 
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