if you dont want to read the rantings of a depressed maniac... you'd better leave now.... or skip to the paragraph where the writing gets big again for the happy part.... ^^;;
this week has gone completely to s**t... -shrugs and sighs- And I say that in almost a literal way....
The bipolaredness is killing me... almost literally once again... they need to change my meds.... I had starting taking them again..... but.... the pushed me deeper..... I've stopped taking 'em cause of what they do to me... make it worse... so now I'm going through withdrawal... again... making it even worse... pushing me deeper still... which i didnt think was possible... considering i've wanted to hurt myself... no.... slay myself ....for the past several weeks... lost the battle once already.... scared of myself now... more than ever...
Cant focus on my work right now... probably cause of how much I've let myself just.... stress out about it... y'know?..... -sighs- never again... never never will I take 15 credits in 8 weeks. -.-.... luckily I wont have the chance...
Just found out my mom is having some problems .... she has a tumor and getting a historectomy (sp?) for it... when she told me about going into the doctor earlier in the week... I was so scared... if it was cancer...... I could have lost her too... just like my grandma....
I've broken too... in the apartment... I cant wait to leave.... 4 of them make it a point to ignore me... or annoy me... one or the other.... and the 5th ... she'll talk to me.... sometimes.... but when i ask her for help with something in my life.... she gives me all this advice... advice that I really dont want at the moment... and its more like... she's trying to change my point of view on things... -sighs-... when she talks to me... its either about her boyfriend (and for those who don't know.... I'm having some major issues with guys atm.... and its getting worse... ) and how wonderful he's doing.... or complianing about one thing or another... (all of which she could change some of her habits and it would be better.... ) when she asks my opinions on things... I give em.... and then she blows them off etcetc... -sighs-
whatever though...
Something I had obviously repressed before came rocketing to the surface this past week too... something that I'm needing some major help with apparently...
hopefully this will all calm down... and I can get the medicines that i need... and the help too....
Thanks to those that listen to me... that read this... dont worry too much though... I'm better at controlling myself than that... I wont loose the war... hai? -huggles-
In another note, Skye and Ant have picked names for their upcoming twins (well at least they have some idea... ) ^^ Ask em, k? They're gonna be really cute names. heart and they're bound to really cute as well.. ^^;; so yeah.
Uhm... I'm done with my Psych class... finally... only... 5 more classes to go. heh. but hey. its a start at least.
Toodles for now... ^^
 Marion-san · Sat Aug 12, 2006 @ 11:11pm · 0 Comments |
