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Yes, a new year has begun. Not the end of the year sort of thing, a school type of thing.
To me, there are two times in a year when it starts and begins instead of just one time when it goes from 2005 to 2006. The new year is when you start school. You get reawakened from your summer vacation and it's like a new world again.
I had my first day today, August 16th, and I have to say that it was alright. I like all of my teachers, and what's nice is that I only have a half day. I have Geometry, Driver's Ed, Bible Study, and English, all of them in that order. The only thing that I'm actually worried about is Geometry. I'm no good in Math, thanks to being homeschooled last year. Now I look at all of those problems and just go: "Huh?" It's sad. I won't worry about English, I've done fine there. The only thing that I hate about English are those stupid book reports, and one is due sometime late this August. Joy.
The rules are very strict, but I know that it could be worse. Rules are: No skin showing between the waist line on your pants and shirt, shirts have to be tucked in, no talking back to the teacher, no tardiness, no holes in your jeans, no cleavage showing, no short skirts, no tight pants/shirts, ect. What really makes these rules tight is that they'll pass out these little green slips for every violation that you get. Get up to four or six and you'll be spending time in detention. Eventually it adds up more and more, and after ten to twelve you get suspended from school. Another rule is that if your parent is late for picking you up you have to wait in a certain room, and for every thirty minutes that you're there you're charged ten to fifteen dollars. And if you come to school dressed wrong you have to sit and wait in the office until your parents can bring you a change of clothes. I don't have to worry about any of this. I can't remember the last time that I broke a rule, except in first grade when I was one of those chatter mouths, but now I stay completely silent. The only thing that I can think about that might bite me is getting the home work in on time, but even that shouldn't really be a problem.
I didn't really have much home work today, and in fact I did it fast. The only thing that took so long was organizing all of my crap. I've only got four periods and yet my back pack weighs an insane amount of weight and I can hardly fit anything in there. And without a locker (they didn't give me one because I'm only part-time) I'm stuck with carrying my a** load home since my mom doesn't have a car. About two miles in blistering heat. Normally that wouldn't bother me, but knowing that I'll have that back pack I know that I'm not going to make it far at all without having to take a lot of breaks. That thing is freakishly heavy. It feels like I'm carrying another person on my back. In fact if I weighed it and it added up to a grown adult's weight, I wouldn't be surprised.
I don't know why I'm stressed. Personally going into a new grade and school is fine with me, I wasn't nervous or excited. Moving around a lot does that to you. I'd like to make some friends, but after being stuck in home schooling for about three years I've gotten used to not talking to anyone. I've grown used to being so solitary, and while when someone talks to me I can make a good conversation for some reason I just can't seem to get anyone to think of me as a friend, I'm sort of stuck inbetween. This doesn't really bother me. I used to get lonely but now it doesn't even bother me anymore. Luckily for me I don't actually look like a nerd, had that happened my mom would be bugging me even more so than she is now.
I think that it's Geometry that's making me stressed out. I know that most of the beginning of the year it's going to be easy, but soon it'll get hard and I'll have trouble keeping up and will probably fall behind. I'll do the work, but I feel as if I'll just fail. I suppose that it doesn't really matter, as long as I can get a sixty in Geometry and keep an A in all of my other classes I can pass fine. But this doesn't really do anything, my head is still aching and I just don't feel like going to school tomorrow.
Maybe I just need some time to adjust, but I already have. Even though I've never been in public/private middle or high school when I walked in through those doors I just felt perfectly fine. I knew that the entire school worked like a big puzzle and that I'd already found my correct spot. I think that maybe my piece will move around and fit it different places, but over all it'll always be able to fit somewhere because I don't get so nervous over things social wise in school. Being in an actual class room I already know that everything will be on time, and I can feel like I'm social enough without actually knowing anyone.
Writing this out makes me feel a little better. It has to be Geometry. My mom keeps on saying this: "I better see strait A's all through school." She doesn't have to say it but I know that the rest of the sentence slips down on 'Or else I'll be very disappointed in you.' My mom is strange. I realize that she cares about me but she's the sort of person that puts you undernear way, way, way too much pressure on you. And yet writing this out, I've just realized that it isn't Geometry that's making me freaked out, it's my mom. She won't stop reminding me: "Get A's. Get A's." "I only want to see A's. No B's." "Strait A's."
She tells me that I'm smart and I know that I am. But I'm no good in Math. And when I'm trying to do the work I'll be freaking out over understanding it because I'll hear her voice banging inside of my head. "Only A's. I only want A's."
Gaia is a strange place, and yet I still love it. It's a good place to escape when I'm stressed out, and I've met plenty of good friends here. I find rather comical that I'm popular online and not offline, but hell, I don't really care. (: I have a feeling that I'll be able to meet some new friends, if only just one or two. I sit next to these two girls in Geometry class who both seem really nice so far. While they're probably not going to like video games or anime I've been able to talk about things that doesn't involve that. I also met another girl in Hot Topic the other day who commented about my purse, which has the words and logo of Full Metal Alchemist on it. We talked for quite a bit and we definately clicked. Unfortunately it was only after she left that I realized I forgot to ask her name and number. Oh well- where I live is a relatively small town, having only one small mall. I have a feeling that I'll bump into her again. I really hope that I do.
 MythicalYoko · Thu Aug 17, 2006 @ 02:25am · 3 Comments |
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