The time now strikes 2:10am and here I lie in my bed, awake for the world to see, but suffering from within, 2:10am... and the clock ticketh onwards, deeper into the night. 2:10am and yeah, I'm sitting here wide awake, been thinking over the last few hours about some things.... just.... yeah... the feelings of despair have grown, the feeling that no matter how many people around me there are.... there are only a select handful that even care enough to try and understand me.... I know I scare some people... a complex crazy person desperately trying to hide behind a broken mask. I dont know where I want to go with my life... and I am running out of time really to make that decision. I have no idea where I want to go.... for alot of people its easy... riches and fame... but I dont want that... I dont think..... *sighs and shakes her head, holding it between her hands* There are days where it physically hurts to be held... even just online (..... like anyone has ever just held me irl..... )... but I cant tell anyone about it.... cause I'm afraid of it.... its like... half of me is crying out for it... but.... still...the rest... makes it painful... *Shakes her head again* *needs to stop before she completely looses control...* May doesnt know what is wrong with her... she was fine earlier.... but now... she's breaking again... but doesnt know why.....tiredness maybe.... but that is what comes from sleep deprivation..... 5 days.... havent slept very well.... if at all......so yeah.... past 5 days... gotten bout... 3 hours of sleep...... *stops herself* I'll try to sleep now... but no promises... good night all......
Marion-san · Tue Jan 04, 2005 @ 09:28am · 5 Comments |