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The hell that is my life... |
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wow, today has been pretty shitty. no thats not a good enough descrytion, but ive been hiding it from everyone, and then i get put down by the only one that really matters to me besides cat, and i couldnt help but ball my eyes out. its like im no1 to him, im no1, yea he says im different, and i think an exception or whatever, but i doubt he means it. everything is always about him, him him him, and its so sad that i let him b that way, and i compliment him more and more everyday, always making sure he knows he's great. but never really cares how i feel inside. not anymore, theres no time for me, not since we broke up. i sent him so much even a gag gift when he wasnt getting as much as he thought, so i thought he might feel sad so i bought him a gag gift to chear him up. but hes unwilling do even buy stamps to even mail me back. he never even said thank u until i bitched about it. doesnt really care if im sad and depressed, guys should know when a woman is hurt, and says to leave them alone that means give them attention. oh and every1 is = to me, even tho i do everything in my power just to make him happy even if it tears at my heart. he said he was cold and i told him he wasnt because he never was 2 me, or maybe i just overlooked it. im working my a** off everyday as a slave basicly for personal reasons, making my body sicker and sicker i mean i have no idea whats wrong with my body. i took a shower with cat (dont think perverted shes my daughter u pigs) so i was on my knees showing her its not scarry, and now i have bruises on my kneese, but i always get bruises on my knese when i havent even fallen. its very hard to cope with everything, i try so da,mn hard to b happy, and be perfect, but im not alloud to really b happy. i know i sound emo, but if anyone of u went through everything ive been through, ud b just as ******** up or more, but i swore never to give up on my life, no matter how many important ppl treat me like s**t, like im nothing, like im basicly always going to b there so who needs to treat her good, my other friends and possible lovers r much more important to me then jean, she scares me, so im just going to treat her like s**t, because shes just there, when i fall back and when i need her that wen she will b important, because shes always there. im seeing the dead walking around, not clearly but just blackness, doesnt mean they r evil tho. im getting better and better at predicting things, so im guessing im nearing the end of my life, which is so sad because i want to b with my bestist best friend and thats y im working so hard so i cansee him, because i know im getting weaker, my doctor doesnt care, he tells my mom its menopause, she goes to her gyno and tells him, then they find out it could have killed her, some kind of hardening of the arteries in her brain, mt doc didnt touch me, ive lost over 50 pounds in umm2 months?? almost perfect....except from having cat, i still have a pouch. my nerves r shot, i have to give away my kitten as a deal with my mom. i just dont know how im going to hold on anymore, my support isnt supposrting me, not anymore, im alone again even if i have friends, i have no1 but cat...
 lil_qt_cat1 · Fri Sep 08, 2006 @ 06:06am · 0 Comments |
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