I've come to realize the people I know and love are not as hopeful and trustworthy as I thought they’d be. I've been left behind. *Shrugs* not that I care. I’m left out of the group alone in the corner. I put myself here so I shouldn’t complain. I have no more pride. I have no more heart apparently. I want to smoke. I want to so bad, I’m not strong enough, nor wise enough to know better. My lungs want it and want it now. I am not going to fight it anymore. I’ll beat up some kid and take them and go into my pillow fort. It's not a sanctuary. I don’t have one. Smoking is my sanctuary and I can’t. But I'm taking it up again. It's too hard, and there's too much I need to just get over and be happy with. I need them, no one understands. Thus I am alone. *sighs*
What is wrong with me?
I just don't like secrets. Makes me feel dirty when people are whispering and I don’t know. It hurts too. When someone says something and implies things I don't know about. I don't know I thought I was pretty trustworthy. Am I not? Pissed? Yeah I'm pissed. Not the fact people think I'll think different of them because they go and get drunk at a party and come to school with a hangover even after he promised he'd quit, I’m pissed that my friends keep secrets from me when I tell them everything. That pissed me off. I'm more than a lump that takes up space. I'm a person too. I thought I was your friend. I used to think this whole crush thing was cute, but now it's just getting in the way of my life, messing with my head. Not my crush but yours. My friends are mad and I don't know why. Yet to hear only one side might be even a bit unreasonable…. (Sarcasm) I am hurt. I'm done with friends. No longer will they be friends but now merely acquaintances and acquaintances only. I've tried. Honest to goodness, poured my heart out watched it bleed for what? To have it thrown in my face. I'm sick of it. I'm left alone to bleed and die with my heart crushed in my hand. Kids are too prideful. I wish I didn't go here sometimes. I threw that chance away why? For my friends! My friends who don’t even notice I exist. Yeah I'm a pretty independent person but it’s nice to be noticed once and a while. Not like anyone else would know they're all talking to someone else. Something's got to give. How many times have I said that? Well this time it's for good. Goodbye friends. Hello acquaintances.
 Made27 · Fri Oct 08, 2004 @ 09:57pm · 1 Comments |
