• another day is gone
    another day will end
    but how long will you stay and say you are my friend
    if you only knew the truth
    the real evol truth
    you'd ditch like the others did in the end
    and now i know im traped between you and a lie
    so now i have to cut this off drop it time
    for you defend your self
    from ones that hate
    and try to dominate
    without me holding your hand
    now how will you contend







    Not fixing your broken heart is a double edge sword. I love many but they won’t love. me cause there are others why. cant they share my heart and not break it more, hoard it or except it like a sweater from grandmother. and I hate the ones that joke. dancing on my heart strings. toe tapping on my sore nerves. but if I show them weakness then they have won, so I cry. on the inside adding to the still waters. I drown my pain in. but now the waters are rising fast. and i have no release, i fear for the ones. that try to step in, thinking my mind is shallow. but its like a murky pool .clouded with hate fear and pain. No one caring enough to want to go in, ever should, for an evil. that concentrated will never fully wash away. the stench will linger only sensible to the ones stained as well. I wish not to taint loved. ones even if they’re actively working on grinding my hart. turning it to sand. Cold dry and imposable to fix. the proses has already begun but when, when will it stop, will I have to act out? Hurt the ones a care for my pain to be seen? Or should I suffer on in silence? And let them grind me. to dust and slip out of their grasp forever. Dissolving in to nothingness. adding to the cloudy pool that is my mind.



    Its too late and I wish it was too soon.
    Ripping away the dark clouds I see my self doom.
    Iv hurt the ones I love to the point of no return. traumatizing them like flesh with a nasty burn. Burnt flesh, where have I smelt that stench before. Oh god its that horrid smell that will last forever more. They say there sorry but its not there fult its mine.
    I though being able to feel again would feel sublime. This doesn’t feel like my life, I was a goast.
    But of all the words I sed after I came out I reget these the most
    “im just glad that the first feeling a had after i could feel again was love for you
    for when i was in the dark there was nothing i could do
    im sorry i hurt you with my words and my lies
    but your the best thing that could happen to me in my eyes
    if your happier with out me go ahead and leave
    i just want you to that my thought would be
    iv been living a life that wasn’t really real
    I know theres nothing that would make you feel the way I feel”
    Now that I have felling they can be hurt.
    I feel it when they drag me through the dirt
    But im ok with all the suffering they serve
    Hurt pain and suffering it better then I disserve
    Now that im out I have thin skin
    I think its time I whip out the raiser violin…


    My razor violin

    I lock the door and close the shades
    Cause these are the demon days
    I open the case and curse my sin
    As I prepare my razor violin
    I clean the bow and watch my arm
    Still scared of the harm
    I take a breath and let it out
    Hoping I can stop the shout
    I hope no one will ever know
    How I rosin up this bow
    I cring at the first cut
    Feeling rocks in my gut
    But as it marks my skin
    I can forget my sin
    I sigh as it goes deep
    Letting redness seep
    I imagine I'm watering the seeds
    Of plants that will feed my needs
    Unveiling rancid paddles
    That I hope never settles
    That's why I play my gory song
    I know menny others play along