Love is the worst Pain

• Artist: ForeverAnthonys
• Description: I wrote this after a bad break-up. I realize its probably terrible and your thinking I'm a fool for putting it on here. I just wanted to see what people think of it. Is it good? Bad? What? Be honest?
• Date: 11/04/2012
• Tags: love pain cutting breakup suicide

No Pain can compare,

(Not clawing,
Not biting,
Not cutting,
Not pricking,
Nor pinching

To the Pain of Love.

(It hurts too much!
Make it stop!
I can't take it anymore!)

Driving me to the edge.

(Can't control myself...)

Spiraling downwards faster and faster...

(You can save me)

The light dancing on the metal's edge,
Breathing grows faster in anticipation.
The thin, cool edge on my skin....

(Just three little words)

A gasp and a rush.
DRIP! DRIP!
It looks sooo pretty...
The red lines get deeper as they go down....

(It's all you have to do...)

Oh so close to the end....

(It's not too late..)

Going numb and staining the carpet.

(Please! Save me!)

Can barely see straight...
Everything is blurry...

(Don't you Love me too?)

Inches away, Will I do it?
Can I make it?

(Last chance)

Too late for second thoughts now...
Can't turn back now...
Missed your chance,
My wrists are slit.
I can't stop the blood,
Say your goodbyes...
I'm fading fast....
A dying whisper....
"I love you Matt."

Yes, Love is the worst Pain

Comments

[GraceOfAngels]

saddly this reminds me of my sister. and it makes me sad that people would think that it's their last resort. But than again i can understand. overall this is awesome

[Idiosyncratic Quirk]

You wanted honesty? Please don't take offense to this then.
The content is awful. I've seen it all before. Nothing you communicated is even phrased in an interesting way. The grammar in this could be fine-tuned a little to make it flow better.
As for the structure, I think you should keep this in mind in another narrative poem. The parentheses set apart remind me of an echo. You could really use that if you have a setting in mind.
My advice to you: subtlety.
Rating? 2

[Idiosyncratic Quirk]

You wanted honesty? Please don't take offense to this then.
The content is awful. I've seen it all before. Nothing you communicated is even phrased in an interesting way. The grammar in this could be fine-tuned a little to make it flow better.

As for the structure, I think you should keep this in mind in another narrative poem. The parentheses set apart remind me of an echo. I found that pretty cool. You could really use that if you have a setting in mind.

My advice to you: subtlety.
Rating?