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The moon is pretty big right now...
So......sorry I was....out of it today. Well, more than normal. Not really a long story, but it was still raw in my mind and I didn't want to explain it that much so early.
But in Social Studies. We were watching some movie on John Brown and trying to find out whether he was insane or a martyr, someone who dies for what they believe in (usually religeon). So during that, someone says, "Hey, look at Tim." He wasn't in his seat, so I turn and he's there standing at Mr. Morris's desk. And he's holding out his hand, which is shaking hard and bleeding like crazy. Little blood streaks trailing down his palm and landing on the tile with a split sound. There's already ten or so drops on the floor. People are making gagging noises and saying, "Ew." But, you know.... Lately, just the sight of someone else's blood has been terrifying me. I think it's a new phobia to add to crowds and spiders.... So anyway, I had to turn and cover my eyes. I couldn't stop shaking for five minutes. I don't even know what happened in the rest of the movie. Just trying to keep my breathing under control so I wouldn't work myself up and have people staring at me. That janitor came in after Tim left, and cleaned up most of it. But someone said he missed two. I was kind of scared to turn, in case I saw it. But I didn't see anything.
So that was kind of why I was so distant.. I was still trying to force myself to act normal. He was there in homeroom, with his hand wrapped up like crazy in white gauze. He said David cut him with safety scissors. Great. Idiots playing with blunt pieces of metal, and they still find ways to make it dangerous.
Then on the way out of school, I was just wondering how I would explain my behavior to Jenny when I realized that Tim also happened to be on my bus.....
VERY distant......
Coach Aaron noticed during soccer practice. But we're doing all these drills and I suck at every single one of them. He always seems to get annoyed when I tell hi I just can't do anything....And then proceeds to give me some more peppy pep talks. Like my sucky soccer skills actually mean something, that I can GET BETTER! Yeah. Right. "Last season you didn't believe you could play goalie." That was only because I suck at field work, running, shielding, and basically all around playing soccer. I'm only in there because nobody else will play the position.
Whatever. I got to go to the library, only to find that someone has been using my card and I had four late fees for two movies and two books that I hadn't even read yet. One of the books was Blood and Chocolate, which I just picked up. She waved them, though. So that wasn't bad.
I know it's weird. For someone like me. I love vampires, I get books titled Blood And Chocolate. I love horror movies. But with books, I can just close it. And with movies, you know it's not real. Even if it looks like it. But in real life, I just freak. I can't stand it. At all. It's worse than crowds. I get all shakey and the tips of my fingers turn cold. It really does scare me. That's why most of those emo comments annoy me. How can they call me emo, me who likes the color black and screaming music, when the boys next to you are cutting themselves with a pen and writing their names in blood?
Yeah. They really did that. Just normal idiots. And I'm the emo.