|
|
|
Well isn't this just wonderful? Here i am stuck at some strangers house with Anna, Lauren and Helen and their all asleep. Granted it is 6:20 in the morning but still. I personally haven't slept a wink and i have work in 3 hours 40 minutes. Work at a job that i am planning on quitting today. I'm going to attempt to do it nicely. In the most kind and gental way i can. But because noone around here is even remotely awake aside from myself and thats only curtesy of about 7 vaults, i'm going to rehearse what i'm going to say here on my journal instead of out loud to an actual person. So yeah...
"Sherrie, I need to talk to you and i can pretty much guarentee that your not going to be happy about it. I've been doing some thinking lately and talking to my parents and although i will be happy to help out until the end of the week so you wont be scrabbling to fill the shifts you assigned me, I will be quitting at the end of the week. I am sorry for the inconvenience and i know this comes at a bad time but i just cannot cope with the hours you need me to hold."
So what do you think? Oh wait thats right your a journal and cant reply like the other people in this house could IF THEY WERE AWAKE!!!! Any way i'm hoping she'll do the predictable thing and get pissed and order me to leave. But knowing her and just how big of a b***h she is I'll probably end up working until the end of the week anyway because if i'm going to quit she's going to want to make my life as hellish as possible before i leave... No offense ment Kat but i really don't care for your mom all that much... So yeah cross your fingers for me in hopes that i'm done with this hellish job today rather than having to endure one more week of torture...
On the plus side i got my new DDRE2 game today!!! YAYNESS!! i am so addicted to it! In fact its killing me right now that even though i am bored out of my freaking mind right now i still cannot go play it because the TV is set up in the living room which is where everyone is sleeping... stupid people.. who needs sleep? I seem to be doing just fine without it... even though it is having an adverse affect on my appetite and ability to control my mood swings... rawr i guess i'll have to sleep eventually... How about this if sherrie does the decent thing and just cuts me off now when i get home i'll go straight to bed like a good girl...Hows that for bribery?
Wow i hate being a fast typer... all of that and it only took me about 5 minutes to type... rawr... I am running out of things to say to take up space and keep me occupied for a few more minutes so i don't have to get up and wander around the house (again) in order to keep myself distracted so i don't go postal and kill everyone within a 10 foot radius... hmmm...
Got to talk to mason tonight, after the creepy walk outside, hope he's okay and that those "things" that he was supposed to be fighting didn't rip him up too bad and hoping that the other things that were supposed to be helping him didn't turn on him once they had finished killing the first "things"... Sadly that last bit will probably make sense to absolutely NOBODY exempting maybe Mason... Although with my babble-headed blondeness trying to explain it who knows... i might even confuddle him... HA! Wishful thinking on my part...
Jeez i can't believe i'm going to have FST with him next year, if he ends up going back to north. Granted i did get the best grades of my highschool math career last time i had a math class with him... I'm just worried that the tension and arguments that happen in the math class will spill over into our relationship... Despite the fact that i am going to try really REALLY hard not to argue with him too much, but dammit if theres anyone who can get my back up and bring out my stubborn side, which i try to lock safely away from my friends, its him in a math class... It is really going to test my own resolve and capabilities as far as keeping my cool and not letting myself slip back into my original nature goes...
Yes my original nature, bossy, overbearing, know-it-all freak that i was... Jeez i'm glad i am able to basically make myself into whatever i wish to be now... what with the capability to change my own emotions by sheer will... but also having the ability to lock away parts of my own intelligence in order to cause myself to think in a different way than i usually would, i could be just about anyone i wanted to be... now if it only weren't for that damnable 'people-pleasing' compulsion that i have life would be pretty awesome... ish... granted it is summer and i miss mason so bad its not even funny... but i ment life in a general sense... not as in life right this very instant.... cuz life this very instant kinda sucks... I'm awake alone in a strange house with nothing better to do than write sleep deprived babble on my online journal the whole while thinking of Mason and how much i would rather be out there snuggled up to him asleep than over here right now and worrying about how things are going to go in the next 3 hours 15 minutes at work with me quitting.... I am hoping, however that if she kicks me out of the store that in the time i have between then and when i have to go over to my tana linda's for a family get-to-gether i can talk my parents into letting me drive out to mason's for a random hug/kiss... but if not then i'll just have to talk them into it tomorrow instead...
Damn i need to get some minutes for my phone... If i had minutes i could totally like call or text someone interesting to talk to instead of just sitting here being bored... I'm down to almost exactly 2.5 Minutes on the stupid thing and its killing me not having any... Thats another thing i've got to do today, i'm going to go quit my job, hopefully get removed from the store, then walk across to fred meyers, buy a phone minute card and possibly the new Avril Lavigne cd then go home and sleep for ever... then when i wake up again at what will probably be like noon or something i'm going to talk my mom into letting me go out to hug mason then call him and let him know that i'm coming out there... And yeah... that would be awesome cuz damn i need a hug...
wow i can almost imagine the look on each of your guyses faces as you read the random babblings of a sleep deprived kassie. A strange insight into my personally modifyed brain is it not? Just think of how mason must feel, he's actually talked to me on the phone in this state... Held a fairly decent, though slightly one-sided, conversation with me in this state... poor guy... one of these days he's going to realize just how great he is and how much better than me he could do and i'm going to be dumped for some intelligent, gorgeous, probably a brunette chick who is much better than me in just about every way possible and i'm going to be s**t out of luck... but oh well... enjoy it while it lasts is what i always say... or at least i think thats what i always say... hmmm... sounds like a good saying to live by anyway...
OMG i took this totally random quiz today and it was hilarious! It was a personality quiz, you entered your name, age, and favorite color into the spaces provided and it gave you a brief little excerpt of what your personality should be... I got told that i was naturally a happy person... an internal optimist and could find the "silver lining" in just about any bad situation... I laugh... i really REALLY do... because it is either so true that its scary or so wrong that its funny as hell depending on what kind of day i'm having... And with how often my moods have been swinging and how violent the swings have been? -shudder- i don't even want to think about it...
Well yeah wow... i've wasted almost a half an hour writing this and i don't even remember half of what i said... thats scary... maybe going two days without sleep isn't a good idea... hmmm... who could have guessed that?? not me! lol well yeah since you all are probably about ready to gouge out your eyeballs with a blunt ice cream scoop from the utter rediculousness of this entry i'll let you go... for now... bwahahahahahahahahaha-cough--hack--chkchkkkhckhichkhh- *dies*
Okay okay i lied... I posted it, re-read it, decided it wasn't NEARLY long enough or full enough of random babble and decided that since its been awhile since i posted anything even remotely resembling a bit of my past i figure i might as well sum it up for yall as easily as i can so i can be done with the whole stupid idea in hopes that i never find myself compelled to open up in that way again....
Throughout elementary school i was the scape goat... I literally had two friends a year that were never the same two friends for more than one year... if i got in a fight with one of the two of them they would gang up against me and i would be SOL but if they got in a fight neither of them would talk to me or eachother so i was likewise SOL... however if someone from another group was in a fight they would come over and pretend to be my friend for awhile just to have someone to hang out with while they waited until they made up with their friends and then it would once again be like i wasn't even there... because of this i threw myself into books and my schoolwork becoming the smartest kid in my class at corridor...Unlike nowadays i really didn't mind being the center of attention for my brains back then. i was a ham... anything that got me in the spotlight i would jump for... because getting noticed was almost like having friends... almost... things stayed this way throughout elementary school... i hated it and its where i developed my people pleasing compulsion because i would literally do just about anything in order to get a friend of some sort... i even started reading harry potter just so i could get along with some girl that i wanted to be friends with...
Middle school hit and i was one of two people from my elementary school who went to madison... And the other person and i werent what you would call best of friends... so i spent the first month with nobody at all.. except for in class because i was once again one of the top 3 students in my class in all classes... It wasn't unti math class that i made my first actual friend, anna. This was the first year that i re-did my whole persona to get a friend... changed everything about myself from my haircut and color to the way i thought and the type of music i listened to just so anna would like me... and we got along swimmingly until she introduced me to her other friends sky, lauren, heather, kristen, molly and kaitlyn... i got along with only heather and kaitlyn out of the whole group... kaitlyn and i hated eachother by the end of the year and heather is still my friend... at the end of 6th grade i had made two new friends lindsey and danise also a girl named shannon had moved in next door to me and we got along okay too... once again i changed my whole self just to fit in with them... and subsequently distanced myself from Anna Lauren Sky and Heather the only four that remained of that group from 6th grade... Lindsey Danise and Shannon turned out to be back stabbing bitches who were sickeningly sweet to your face just so they could talk all sorts of s**t about you behind your back... and i went along with it because they were my "friends" In january of that year my grandma who had practically raised me died... it affected me greately and my friendship with lindsey shannon and danise ended because of it when lindsey got in my face for being over emotional and "bitchy" about my grandmothers death... yeah not cool... Kassie exploded... In 8th grade i went back to being best friends with Anna Heather Sky and kindof Lauren... But once again i had to change everything i was... so i did... in this time i was the rebellious tough chick who stood up for everything and anything... and nobody messed with me or my friends except my friends and that worked out well for me because it gave me someone to throw crutches at (heather) in 8th grade i had decided to lock away a large chunk of my intelligence much of which i still don't have access to now... I did this so i could purposely fail geometry which i had been bumped ahead to a highschool class to learn instead of just letting me stay with my peer group...
Then highschool hit and i once again took geometry this time with mason and he managed to bring back most of my brain and stubborn original personality so i actually managed to aqquire a decent grade in it despite my wariness at becoming the smart girl again, something i didn't want to have happen. Also once again during this time i transformed who i was to fit in to my group... i went punk/emo which is oh so much fun... Not much else happened other than a bunch of my "friends" from elementary school that i hadn't seen in three years came back and all wanted to catch up for "old times sake" and with my newfound punk personality i told them pretty much just where they could stick their "old times sake"
This year was entertaining... I decided over last summer to start being non-confrontational and to sit back and pretend to be a stupid blonde because it appeared to get me friends better than being myself did... then about a quarter of the way through the year i realized that while i had friends finally they weren't friends with me... so all throughout the year i have been easing myself back into who i actually am... i'm still not there yet but i'm getting there... its worrying me though... because when i start acting out of character for what people expect they freak out when they think that i've been hiding the real me and it upsets them when they don't know who i actually am... So yeah now i get to tell you all who i actually am...
I am stubborn, strong willed, and self confident. I love being in the spotlight and i like appearing smart even when i'm not knowladgable on the subject i am speaking on. I am afraid of nearly everything and i have strong instincts about stuff all the time... i trust those instincts explicitly. I am extrordinarily self concious about my body and find myself completely unnattractive and have repeatedly failed to see what other people point out as good features about me... But that doesn't stop me from being a ham... I am super critical and i apply a label to nearly everyone i meet and 9 times out of 10 those labels are correct. I find myself unable to see past those lables all the time and i have never been bothered by this. I like to have alone time and there are only a few people that i can stand hanging out with one on one for any length of time... anyone else i can only stand in small doses in large groups otherwise i will find myself being astonishingly rude and sarcastic about everything about them... i am a loner and i transform nearly every strong feeling other than happyness into anger... because its easier for me to deal with anger than it is for me to deal with sadness, fear, etc... I am secretly afraid of just about everything but am strong willed enough to push myself to go through with anything even if it means embarrassing myself royally in front of people i actually care about the opinions of... and yes i tend to care what peoples opinions of me are... it really does matter to me.. always have always will.. i am compelled to make people happy... if i am doing something to hurt a person i will feel terrible about it no matter how much it is improving my life.. the only way i am able to hurt a person is if it benifits another person more than it hurts the first person... I enjoy reading above all other activities, i can sing well and i enjoy singing, DDR has become a major part of my life now, and i miss being able to ice skate well... i am fairly concieted and very egotistical about things that i see myself as doing well on... I am generally very hard to get along with and its even harder to earn my trust... only five people have ever fully earned it... My grandma (deceased) my mother, mason, kat, and anna.... thats it... ever... I hate lying and constantly have faith that if i wait long enough the truth will come out and i forgive people for lying very easily... despite how aggrivating it is when i am waiting for a person to tell the truth... I tend to see and like a person for who they actually are rather than for what their acheivements are or how awesome they claim to be. i judge a person based on their character not their accomplishments.... And i also believe in treating everyone i know as if i am priveledged to know them as if i am priveledged to be their friend because its true... i went so long without having a real friend that i feel priveledged to have the friends i do now and i think that if everyone treated the people around them that way that the world would be a happier place to live in. so there Nyah! Oh yeah and im also VERY mature rolleyes
So yeah now you know almost everything about me... there are some details that i left out but they aren't really that important or if they are you will learn them eventually but as for now its 8:35 i've been writing for almost two hours straight on this thing and i'm finally done... so speak to you all later, i can't imagine what your all going to comment lol...
-Kassie
 mistress_of_insanity · Sun Jun 17, 2007 @ 02:54pm · 5 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
