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Chuck Norris Jokes:


Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter

Chuck Norris can drown a fish

Chuck Norris can kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff

The Big Bang was Chuck Norris sneezing

Brokeback Mountain is what Chuck Norris calls a pile of dead ninjas in his front yard

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries

Chuck Norris has been dead for ten years. The Grim Reaper is afraid to tell him

On the seventh day, God rested. Chuck Norris took over

Chuck Norris traded his soul to the Devil for super round-house kicking power
Upon completion of this deal, Chuck Norris beat up the Devil and stole his soul back
The Devil, appreciating irony, now plays poker with his every Thursday

When Chuck Norris does a pushup he pushes the world down

Chuck Norris can beat the sun at a staring contest

When Chuck Norris gets cold he turns the sun up

Upon the first airing of Walker, Texas Ranger in France the French Ministry decided to surrender to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toe, he randomly destroys benches, chairs, and sofas

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walk into a bar
The bar is instantly destroyed because that much coolness cannot be contained in one building at any one time

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is a true story
Chuck Norris once ate a baby turtle and when it came out it was six feet tall and knew karate

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, look at the exstinct species list

Chuck Norris can shoot down a plane by pointing at it and saying 'bang'

Chuck Norris can run around the world and kick himself in the back

Scientists once had a plan to clone Chuck Norris
They then reconsidered, upon wondering what would happen if there were two Chuck Norris'

What the last thing to go through Chuck Norris' victims mind?
His foot

Chuck Norris has two speeds: run and kill

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you
If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be seconds away from death

Super Man wears Chuck Norris pajamas

Chuck Norris once decided to bottle and sell his urine
We now know this drink as Redbull

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble you win forever

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it

Chuck Norris doesn't read books
He stares them down until he gets the information he wants

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the dark
The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

The cheif export of Chuck Norris is pain

Altough not many know it, the Force actually has three sides: the light, the dark, and Chuck Norris

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beat paper, what beats all three
Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 11:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC

I have more, but that's all I could stand typing sweatdrop