Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

this is a story i wrote for my summer school class:

PICKLES, EGYPTIANS, AND THE NAILFILE OF SATAN: a modern fairy tale
By: Andi Lee

Once upon a time, there was a unicorn named Charlie. He lived in a magical castle on a mushroom-shaped cloud with his turtle George. Charlie was a rather large unicorn and George was a rather small turtle, but they got along rather well. George was also mute, but he had telepathic powers so he could communicate just fine. Charlie talked with bad spelling.
One day, Charlie the unicorn and George the turtle took a walk. On their way back to their magical castle of sweets and joy and joyness, they discovered a corn tree! It was very big, with corn on the cob hanging from the branches like apples and bright red leaves. It's trunk and branches were a peculiar off white. Charlie happened to love corn and was very excited. He munched on the corn happily, while George thought he saw something large and white flying. He came moved to the edge of the cloud, craning his neck, trying to identify the UFWM (unidentified flying white-mabobber). Just then, a big gust of wind came and blew George off the cloud!
"Help me, Charlie!" George thought. Charlie dropped his corn in shock and ran to the edge of the cloud.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (and so on…)" Charlie cried in dramatic sequence. So George was plummeting with Charlie's incredibly long shout as his theme song. But then! George was caught by the white UFWM But the UFWM was actually a flying polar bear! The UFWMWTOTBAFPB (unidentified flying white-mabobber, which turned out to be a flying polar bear) flew back to the cloud and set down George. Charlie abruptly stopped his amazingly long shout and collapsed from lack of breath.
"Thank you, sir. Who might you be?" George thought to the UFWMWTOTBAFPB.
"The name's Moses. Bubba Moses." The UFWMWTOTBAFPBNKABM (unidentified flying white-mabobber, which turned out to be a flying polar bear now known as Bubba Moses) said. Charlie, having somewhat caught his breath, became reanimated and stood up again.
"Nise to meat yu Bubba Moses. I'm Charlie teh unicorn. That's George teh turtle." Charlie stated.
"Please, call me David." Bubba Moses AKA David said.
"Do you live around here, David?" George asked.
"Actually, I live right there, in that tree." David pointed to the corn tree. Charlie had a guilty look on his face, but said nothing.
"Let's go inside. I've got a big-screen TV." David led them to the corn tree. He tapped a circle that had been carved on the tree and a mushroom-shaped door appeared. They went inside.
"It looks uh LOT smallir from teh owtsyde." Charlie commented. Inside it was simply HUGE, as in mansion size. True to his word, there was a big-screen TV, along with every game system invented.
"Interesting how this all fits in a tree." George remarked. David looked at him oddly.
"You mean you've never noticed the mansion hanging from the cloud?" David asked incredulously. Charlie and George shook their heads.
"How'd yu get all teh munee for this?" Charlie asked.
"Donald Trump taught me how to fly. His business skills rubbed off on me too." David explained. Charlie and George nodded in understanding.
"Yu shood come to owir plase, David. We live in teh big majicall casel of sweets and joy and joyness." Charlie said proudly.
So they went to the magical castle of sweets and joy and joyness. The castle was built old-fashioned, with a moat, but Charlie had filled the moat with pancake syrup and covered the whole structure in candy. Inside, there was always some kind of sweet in each room. Some were in the oddest places. There were pixie stix taped to one of the bathroom ceilings and gummy bears packages under Charlie's bed. They played hide and seek in the magical castle of sweets and joy and joyness for hours, maybe days, but they didn't care because there was always candy to eat and syrup to drink. The castle door eventually got sealed up though, when another cloud (shaped like a turnip) happened to pass over the mushroom-shaped one and started to rain. When the water dried, the candy was all stuck together and the door was closed forever. At least until they managed to eat all the candy. So Charlie the unicorn, George the turtle, and Bubba Moses AKA David were sealed inside the candy castle of sweets and joy and joyness.
Here ends the story of PICKLES, EGYPTIANS, AND THE NAILFILE OF SATAN.
At least until they manage to lick the candy off the doors. But that's another story, of which everyone gets sore tongues, and the NAILFILE OF SATAN comes in handy.