UGH. I ******** HATE MYSELF RIGHT NOW.
I'm having serious issues and I can't help but feeling pissed at him. And Like i'm being sooo selfish because he just got rejected from college but i can't help it! Dx I'm being such a jerk. And I think it's because I feel like he doesn't care about me... Like if I didn't talk we probably wouldn't talk at all and like it makes me mad how I can't stop thinking about it. x/ Like I really want to meet him, but sometimes I feel like I'm just some annoying teenage girl to him... which at times I probably am. And like UGH, I feel like he won't make an effortm he's sad so I spend two and a half friggin hours to make him a song to try to make him feel better and when I'm sad he dosn't do much... or so i feel, and he's probably going to read this and get pissed at me... but whatever. And I just realllyy want to know what his opnioin is if we are ever going to meet... because I don't think i an keep talking to him we never will..
And I don't get why i keep putting myself down, I have no confidence in who I am anymore. And I really just want a ******** boyfriend. I'm not going to ask anyone out, not for fear of rejection persay, but because I'm scared they won't actually like me, at least if they ask me out then I can have a sense on how much they care about me. Even if I didn'thave a boyfriend if I just had a guy that cared and would hug me and tell me it's okay. Someone I could just talk to. UGH. It's so annoying thast I don't have anyone who actually cares about me that I can talk to.
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