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Just a little something I found. You know that famous psalm in the bible? It's like that but for the Dieter.

My weight is my shepherd;
I shall not want low-calorie foods.
It maketh me to munch on potato chips
and bean dip;
It leadeth me into 31 Flavors;
It restoreth my soul food;
It leadeth me in the paths of cream
puffs in bakeries.
Yea, though I waddle through the
valley of weight watchers,
I will fear no skimmed milk;
For my appetite is with me;
My Hostess "Twinkies" and "Ding Dongs,"
they comfort me;
They anointeth my body with calories;
My scale tippeth over!
Surely chubbiness and contentment
shall follow me
All the days of my life.
And I shall dwell in the house of
Marie Callender pies...forever.

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And another...
The politician is my shepherd...I am in want;
He maketh me to lie down on park benches,
He leadeth me beside still factories;
He disturbeth my soul.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of depression and recession,
I anticipate no recovery, for he is with me.
He prepareth a reduction in my salary in the
presence of my enemies;
He anointeth my small income with great losses;
My expenses runneth over.
Surely unemployment and poverty shall follow me
all the days of my life,
And I shall dwell in a mortgaged house forever.