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Current mood: pissed off
Category: Life

So I just thought I'd write and tell everyone what's up with me. I have had my ups and downs. Right now I'm not really enjoying my life. It's very long, but it'd be apprieciated if someone read it...
Well so far for the last 2 weeks Travis has been living with me and my family. It has been very hard for me. I don't think I can take it any longer. Everytime I just want to be alone, he is in my room or watching TV for 10 hours a day. And he did the most rudest, thing. He downloaded a bunch of s**t onto my computer so he could put it on his new PSP. Music, and video stuff; half of the music he downloaded I allready owned the CD's from. I am not forgiving him. So since he is always on my PC ruining it, I put a password on my computer, and a keep out sign on my door. I don't care you guys think that is mean or whatever because you don't live with him! Speaking of that PSP he bought, instead of saving the money so he can get the hell out of my house, he buys that. Doesn't give my dad the $100 that week my dad is saving for HIM to start living by himself, he gets that. Or instead of getting a driver's lisence, he gets that. Then trys to hide it from me for like a week. I told my mom, she was mad, but didn't say anything to my dad who would have been very upset because he doesn't want him here either.
Another thing that is happening is school. It is going alright. I only have three classes. Math, Art, and English. So far Math has been going okay. I got and 88% on my last test, which is good for me. Art kinda sucks only because the Prof isn't the nicest woman, or maybe because we got off on a bad start. She was just so terribly rude to me! I like that class because I do like art, but I suck at painting like we had to do yesterday. But I like it because Tessa's in the class with me. English sucks only because it's boring beause it's a retake. I am working right now in STaRS with my mom. That's good because it gets me money and I get to be with her. The only thing is, it's not a lot of hours, and I missed today because I'm sick.
Speaking of money I have 82 cents in my bank account right now. I am dirt poor and very embarassed because of it. It seems like everyone wants me to visit them, and I just can't! Sarah wants me in Spring Lake, Eric in Grand Rapids, and Amber in Mt. Pleasant. I wish I could see these people everyday! Especially my brother who I am having a hard time not being around everyday. The one thing I'm looking forword to is the Motion City Soundtrack concert I'm going to with Eric. And I miss Staci. She has decided to not be friends with me anymore, and I have to just accept it. There is nothing else I can do about that. Also I don;t have a car right now because Eric needs it in GR. So getting to school everyday is hard. My only ride is Tessa. And I go into WSCC about 2 hours early just so I can get a ride. I feel like a huge burden to her becasue I feel like I just piss her off everyday. I haven't heard from Lisa in a long time. Escept for one time I talked to her online. It was hard for me to lose her too. She was my best friend my whole childhood up through high school almost.
About my surgery. It is taking an aweful long time to process. Right now it's in the insurance stage. Which can take a long time. I just want this to happen, no one seems to understand. Not even my closest of fruends. They don't seem to support me or accept it. They just say, why don't you try alternatives? And I have been, my whole life. They aren't me, they dont know how my life was growing up, or even now. I just need support!! I feel like so many things could just be taken care of if I lost some weight. Number one being my depression. It sucks big time! I can't concentrate being depressed, not with school, not with my ambitions. It makes me just want to quit life, quit school, quit my friends. Which you cant do, but I want to. And I don't take my medicine, but I say I do. I guess that makes it okay in my mind. Number two being my confidence. I want to look healthy. Who doesn't? I want to experience life like eveyone else. Relationships, shopping easily, not getting laughed at when I walk down the street, being able to walk down the street, being taken seriously! And lastly, I got a letter in the mail telling me I'm on Jury Duty for November and December. God that sucks! I can't do that!!! I'm in college, I may get the surgery. That is finals time! Jesus what more could go wrong right now?!
Thanks for reading my mess. I just needed to let some emotions out. Hopefully someone will read it.

added later - and my glasses broke last night

Currently listening :
Ben Kweller
By Ben Kweller
Release date: 19 September, 2006