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Jorre's mad ramblings
"What you plan to write about"? Yeeeah, I see a problem there. I don't do "plan".
Poety review.
For no apparent reason, people on msn send me their poems.
For checking. o_o;;. I am not a poet...but I mean, some basics are obvious.

So, recently, I got this one:
L
Thoughts were slowly drifting through my mind,
like thin clouds hanging from the sky.
Dreams were humming like dragonflies,
Swimming in smoky paradise.

Love is leaving me behind,
Once fragile and oh so kind
Still sleeping in my wonder-why
Quietly sighing a lullaby

Shards of mirror in my eye
Once again as the tears go by
Phoenix bird will rise and fly
Rebirth when my tears run dry

But for now I’ll have to must cry
Sedate my body as well as my mind
Hum me to sleep lovely dragonfly
I promise tomorrow I will abide.


Yes, emo all over the place. Also, wtf dragonfly?

The edit from my part:
Jorre

Slowly drifting through my mind,
Thin clouds hanging from the sky.
Dreams humming like dragonflies,
Swimming in a smoky paradise.

Love leaving me behind,
Still sleeping in my wonder-why
Once again fragile, so kind
Quietly sighing a lullaby

Shards of mirror
as the tears go by
to rise and fly
Rebirth, to run dry

So now cry
Sedate my mind
Hum me to sleep
I will abide.


Poetry...it involves deleting redundancy biggrin






User Comments: [4] [add]
AznCrawck
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Sun Nov 11, 2007 @ 10:11am
Slowly drifting through my mind
A boob-blimp lifts me to the sky
Dreams lifting me through the thighs
Towards a damp paradise

Love leaving me behind,
still sleeping in my wonder-what
Once again I go to grind
Roughly up the maidens arse

Shards of cabn
as the sweat goes by
I let out a sigh
Rebirth, to run dry

So now cry
Sedate my wheenie
whine me to sleep
Lullabye made of weeps

A crappy edited version.


commentCommented on: Sun Nov 11, 2007 @ 05:48pm
Look at teh time and date of my poem entry. O__O
I amaze myself at times. ;3



AznCrawck
Community Member
Jorre
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Sun Nov 11, 2007 @ 07:43pm
Aww, you missed the obvious.

Deleting redundancy -> Cutting at the excess -> poems are for emos domokun domokun domokun


commentCommented on: Mon Nov 12, 2007 @ 12:50am
I smacked a bleach-edited version there for you. What does that have to do with me not getting the point?
Emo poems should be changed into really weird sex themed poems. domokun
Makes teh whole thing worthwhile reading. blaugh



AznCrawck
Community Member
User Comments: [4] [add]
 
 
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