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I was thinking again this morning and last night...

I came to the conclusion that I've outlived my purpose and expired...I can no longer help people like I used to...and people who once liked me as a friend now ignore me...

I still dont want to be a burden to anyone...yet...I think thats all I am and can be...

I was thinking about my funeral again...I figured yes people would care I suppose...but...it'd be so much easier to live without something like me hindering them...

Kaili is now like my best friend...and she cares alot for me...but I think I'm still only a burden to her...I dont do anything helpful anymore...I cant help people to feel better anymore...I cant make people laugh like I could before...there really isnt anything useful I can do...I think people would be better off without me...

my sister has a boyfriend now and I doubt she's going to have time for me now...the girl I liked...well I decided it's best not to date until I'm out of highschool unless something life changing happens...I'd just cause more trouble...

The pain is getting much worse than it was before...I wonder if I'd have to live my whole life like this...is it really living? then again...is living depending on pills really living?

I think I should really just be dead...I wouldnt bother anyone then...no one would have to worry about my cutting anymore...my parents would have less bills to worry about...my brother would get the attention he needs...my friends could stop worrying and finally be happy...there would never be another painmasking smile or razorblade kiss...