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I'm going to go break something now. I am going to punch the wall until the bones in my knuckles show and I am going to claw at my hair line until it bleeds.

I am SO sick of a number of things right now and idiotic, childish behavior is only ONE of them. I need to inflict damage upon myself or an inanimate object until my frustration has subsided, or I am actually going to hurt real people. (As I've said before in another entry: "I am clenching my fists to prevent myself from literally strangling people" wink

And the worst part is that I know I sound like some angsty/emo idiot for saying it in that manner, but I can't think of another way to convey the amount of rage I am feeling right now. I SERIOUSLY wish I could blame this on my period, but it's not close enough for that to work and it only pisses me off even more.

It's almost worse than hitting my period, because I've had to claw at my arms & legs in multiple places to re-direct the pain before, but when the pain is psychological, THERE'S NOTHING TO DIRECT! I can bite my knuckles and punch my legs all day and it would only relieve a fraction of this boiling liquid in my veins! I can feel all of my muscles tightening as if I were readying myself for a vicious battle, but there's nothing to fight! I'm about to leap at the next thing I see, and I pray that it isn't living, because I don't know if I can stop myself!

I can already feel it. My heart rate is steady and strong in my ears and everything is turning a shade of pink. It practically feels like my nails are getting sharper and it's getting harder to type without pounding at these frail keys..!

Someone please put something in my way! My walls are breaking down and it will take a tremendous amount of will power to avoid injuring someone! A layer of concrete, a padded room, a steel door, anything! I need to lock myself away, but it isn't working, I don't know if I can do it on my own anymore! I need to smash my head against something solid or else I won't be able to reason with myself!

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