So the other day my mom exploded.
She was like..really angry.
Yelling in peoples faces and stuff.
I was all:
Just stay quiet till she calms down.
Which I did.
I took care of everything being happy even though she was fuming.
I think it pissed her off more.
"You aren't even listening! You don't even care! You just sit there doing nothing going 'me me me!' "
It's not that I don't listen. I hear everything. I listen to everything. I make note and examine.
I just don't want to think about the bad things.
Honestly, would you want to think about how something almost went horribly wrong because of you?
No. Especially if it's already done with.
Past is past. There's nothing I can do to change it.
She tries to make me feel guilty.
I feel like laughing when she does.
I love my mother to death. TO DEATH! Shes one of the most important people evar.
But...I have no guilt. Because I don't think that way.
My mom is one of those people who just doesn't know when to shut up.
She'll say something and you'll be like "Ok. I get it."
But she keeps going. And going. And going. Till you just want to say
"SHUT UP! I LOVE YOU BUT CAN'T YOU JUST DROP THE SUBJECT?! I GET IT! OKAY?!"
But...I'm better than that.
My mom doesn't need more stuff to make her life worse.
I find it amazing. How I don't get angry.
The only thing I blame her for is melding "I can't do anything worth while" in my mind. But I thank her for it too. Because it made me who I am. Well..partially.
She used to always tell me:
"You can't do anything right! You can only do it half-assed!"
You can't do anything right. You can only do it half-assed!
.....So....even if I try the best I can...it'll only be half-assed? Because I'm not capable of completing something?
My best is only half...
My best is only half...
I don't think she got how scarring that was. Course I never told her.
But stll... it's sort of sad. But sort of..true.
So it's ok.
^w^-
[/rant]
 Ookibuns · Tue Jul 19, 2005 @ 07:20pm · 1 Comments |
