Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

As anyone who talks to me should know by now, I really don't want to have my next birthday. In fact, I've got it drilled into my mind that when I'm just going to skip my birthday and stay 16 for another few years, because the thought of turning 17 scares the crap out of me. And I think it's worse since I'm home schooled, so I never see my friends face-to-face anymore. But today I went to see the play up at my old high school (simply because two of my best friends would be there and we could hang out afterwards, the play wasn't anything too special). When I walked in there was a guy standing in the middle of the room staring at me, and for a minute I didn't know who he was. Upon closer inspection I realized that it was my friend Andrew, and I suddenly realized that I hadn't seen him two years. He looked different than I remembered him, but he noted that the only thing different about me was that I wasn't wearing black.

We chatted for a little bit, and I was painfully aware of the fact that even after not seeing him for two years, I had absolutely nothing to really say to him. We were never particularly close, but we were still friends. He used to be really easy to talk to, and now I couldn't think of a thing to say to him. He was still afraid of me (which still makes no sense to me since I'm exceptionally small and he's very tall) and said that I still had the same constantly bored expression on my face. I'm sure my posture hasn't changed, and the only thing I've done different to my appearance lately was having my hair in my face rather than behind my ear like I had previously done. After two years, I was pretty much the exact same as I was two years ago. And after thinking about it, I realized that a lot of my friends were still extremely similar to how they were when I left school. Yet he was very different than I remember, and said that a lot of people at the school had changed as well (though I thought that about 90% of the people there wouldn't do s**t with their lives, and I'm sure they're simply going to end up that way by different means now).

I don't know why, but this actually upset me. I hadn't really grasped the concept that time was passing until tonight. I knew that I was getting older, and I noticed that my siblings weren't the same as they used to be, but I hadn't ever given it more thought than that. But Andrew looked so different, and acted different. He was quiet and didn't talk very much, and I always remembered him being somewhat happy and appropriately talkative (unlike two of my best friends who don't seem to be capable of shutting up XD). He seemed like a completely different person, and the only thing that really hadn't changed was his odd fear of me... I don't remember threatening him that much when we were younger, yet he was convinced that I was going to, and I quote, "eat him if I gave him a hug".

I don't know, maybe this is just my brain on a pint of ice cream, a semi enjoyable play, and I'm sure the fact that it's 1:20 in the morning is playing a factor. But I really hate time right now. I wish it would just stop. My irrational fear of turning 17 is at an all time high right now, and it's starting to annoy me. But since I'm sure that C-chan is the only one who's going to read this, there's not much point in going on since she's already heard all of this.