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Dear Diary....
today I died again...
erm.... just some sad emo-ishy thoughts.... *shrugs*
This is what was in the "About Me" section at first, but I just decided to move it here.... read if ya want.

< well i try to be happy but for some reason I never am, like no matter what. Oh I act happy and even if it's something I would/should get happy about I never really feel it. It feels like there's a empty space where my emotions are, and no I'm not being emo. I'm just saying how I feel. My friends say I'm too happy to be emo, anyway.
Guess my fake smile is working then.
I laugh and talk and try to enjoy life, of course. I do try. I'm trying not to give up. But no matter what, I've always got this heavy, sad, discontent space in my heart.
What really bugs me is that even when really, really great things happen it still feels that way. And I cant get it to change! I have no motivation or something....
Ok, one more sad thing bout my sorry life then we'll move on. I feel like I'm always giving to people. I especially give out a lot of love and care, usually more to others than to myself. And yet I still feel like I'm unloved. I never feel like I'm taken care of, like I really am stuck alone in a "kill or be killed" world. I hate that so much! I try and try to make at least other people's lives better (since I'm not doing such a hot job on my own life) and I still feel like no one cares if I exist or not.
That is the worst part.... being not needed, or even wanted.
Yeah, some of my friends will say "love ya" every now and again (when i say it every day...) but I never feel it. its like they are saying it just because. my life is devoted to loving others, and sometimes i need a little love back, otherwise i crumble. i already feel useless in everything else, and when people look at me like im crazy or not worth it... i always do end up feeling that way, too. i lose confidence, self-esteem, and i feel even more valueless than before... hence my name. >





 
 
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