|
yeah this is perfect
perfect
I did it again
because i couldnt make it to some ******** bus
in ******** time
he gets upset with me....
(sorry i didnt mean to curse)
Then again, i can see why. I understand why he's upset. But i dont know if he understand that I cant just get up and leave my family. I know they still need me. I know i wasnt moving with him or anything, but doing such a thing to them, to cause all this panic? I'm not going to let that happen again.
I love him i really do. So, okie i get up and leave (or attempt) and not able to and he gets angry. I dont understand why he can't get up and leave (or attempt). So what, if you cant stay in my house because my mommie hates you. We can stay over my aunts, my friends, or even get a hotel! But no...we cant.
I, me...have to get there.
Don't you get it?
If i leave. Even for a couple days and they know it's you. I won't be coming back.
And even if i do. I dont think they could see me as their daughter anymore. (They as in my family)
Do you get that i was scared to death to even leave? WHY? because my entire time being with you, i have sacrificed my relationship with my family! BECAUSE ALMOST EVERYDAY MY MOM YELLS AND SCREAMS AND WE ARGUE ABOUT ONE THING!! YOU!
....but i dont regret it. It's scary, really. before i was with you
DAMN was i happy. And the first couple of months that we dated i was still that happy person. Everyday i get up and i had rosey cheeks. And people always thought i had make up on...but i didnt. I didnt like using make up. (ew make up)
But then...my heart got broken. Again...again...and again...and again. But i can say the same for you.
My smile slowly faded, i talked a lot less, the rosey cheeks that i adored; gone, me and my close bond with my family...gone.
And i have tried so hard, to rebuild it. Especially, with my cousins. But i couldnt do it. They always wanted me to play with them, but i was usually talking with you. It wrecked my friendship with them. And you know that hurts. Alot....
I dont know what to do sweetheart. I love you dearly, but...I dont know. This journal is a little messed up and complicated. And seems like im going on about one thing and then another, which...well i was haha...but thats just how my brain works
*shrug*
Good..Morning? Hah it's 2:30 AM already whee
|
