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Shadow Squad
Remnants of the old republic


The war is raging on with both sides taking losses. Shadow Squad has been called for increasingly hazardous missions. They’ve been dispatched to dantoinne. Their mission is to recon activity near some old ruins.
“Were enroute to the lz”. “”Eta is ten minutes”. Five-Eight sat on the seat next to the door trying to un-jam his wrist-mounted vibroknife. “”Why do the techs have to make our equipment so cheap?” he asked. “The techs don’t have lives.” Three-One muttered under his breath. The rest of the ride to the surface was silent.
Dantoine was a was a non-urban planet. There were no settlements or houses. Only primitive species roamed the planet. Shadow Squad waited for the green light to deploy. The light lit up red. “Thirty seconds!” The pilot hollered over the intercom. Five-Eight and Three-One were ready to deploy when the light went green. “ Go go go !” When Five-eight touched the ground of Dantoine for the first time he thought of the marshes on Naboo.
Three-one looked around. He looked up and saw a shimmering blue figure wearing a robe standing in the tree above. “ Who are you?” three-one asked. The figure stood there standing at him. Three-one removed his Dc-17m rifle from its holster and aimed it at the figure. “ Talk.” he ordered. The figure started to slowly walk backwards. Three-one immediately pulled the trigger and saw the shots hit his target. Going right through the figure. “ How is that possible?” he said baffled. Five-eight walked up next to him. “ Did you have to shoot your
rifle that bad?” he asked.“ Something was there “ Three-one replied.

Three hours later……… “ Cover me while I view the objective.” The green light appeared on his visor. Five-eight started to scan the area for electronic signals. Three-one kept a sharp eye out for the figure he saw earlier. “ I wonder what that thing was. “ he thought to himself.
Five-eight moved into the ruins cautiously./ The figure jumped out of a wall and scared him. “Fall back!” he yelled. Five-eight and Three-one ran back to the lz in a hurry. Three days passed by. Neither of them wanted to talk about what they had seen.
Five-eight tried to talk about the figure to Three-one. Three-one would end the conversation before it started. Five-eight went to the ship’s archives that might lead to a clue as to what exactly it was he saw. “ Computer, access databank qt-31c. “ A series of clicks and buzzes whirred. “opening file”




To Be continued……..





Pvt Cook1
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Pvt Cook1
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  • [08/05/08 07:54am]

  • User Comments: [3] [add]
    Camille-chann
    Community Member
    avatar
    commentCommented on: Tue Aug 05, 2008 @ 09:08am
    I'd like to point out that when your writing a story you have to indent in the right places. I see a lot of places where you should have indented.

    You must understand that when a different character is talking that you should start a new paragraph. For example:

    ~
    Chelsea inquired, "Where is my purse?" She looked throughout all the drawers and under her queen sized bed.

    "Its out here you dummy!" answered Angelica from downstairs. Sometimes you can be so clueless, she thought.
    ~

    See? Thats how a real story should go. I'm not saying that as in trying to make you feel bad, its just some friendly advice from another fellow writer. I hope you get the picture. Just like you'd see in books thats how you would it written.


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    Random PM's and comments are welcome.
    commentCommented on: Tue Aug 05, 2008 @ 06:20pm
    It's a good story so far, Heed Cam's advice because it's sound =]

    Keep writing, You said this was your first story in a long time, so keep at it, we can only improve through determination and patience.

    As long as you have the desire to continue the story then keep at it and you'll do just fine



    Kuma Nur
    Community Member
    Mikishti
    Community Member
    avatar
    commentCommented on: Fri Jan 02, 2009 @ 02:11pm
    Love it Joe. Very nice. Maybe I should send you some of MY writings... Eh, if your ever interested in them, all you gotta do is ask. wink


    User Comments: [3] [add]
     
     
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