Wow. I don't even know what to say. People can be so good at hiding things from you in person and then you go and read their journal on...say...Gaia perhaps........and you realize just what they're going through. You may think you understand and you "feel their pain" but you don't. You can't know exactly how that person feels, even if they tell you exactly how they feel, because you can't feel the exact same way right then. Wow I used "exact" and "feel" a lot right there...anyway this whole thing with Allie and her feelings and on top of that her going away is just making me so upset! Not mad, I'm not upset AT her, just upset for her. I want her to know that I really care about her and I wish so much that I could help her and care for her, but I don't know how. Sure I can put my arm around her and say "Everything will be ok" but it won't. I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do about it, and it hurts me inside to know that I can't really do anything for her. I want her to be happy and I try to make her happy by not mentioning it, and going riding with her, but when all's said and done, she still feels the same, if not worse. And her going away for a year is just...unbearable. She was one of the very few people I could trust and I could share all my feelings with. Now she's leaving me. I'm gonna see her 3 or 4 more times before she goes. That's it. I just read her journal and she said the only people she cared to see before she left were me and him. And that made me so incredibly happy, but at the same time horribly sad. I broke out in tears because it just hit me that my best friend is leaving me for an ENTIRE 11 MONTHS! Girl, I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I'm going to miss the hell out of you! I hope you have a great time, learn new things, meet new people, and have an incredible experience. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! It means so much to me that you were there for me through all these years! heart crying
 El Arco Iris · Wed Aug 13, 2008 @ 12:41am · 0 Comments |
