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You are an Arab if...

1. You say "bolice" and "bastor" for "police" and "pastor."
2. You inherited or will inherit land in your home country.
3. You brag about your kids even if they are bad.
4. Your spouse is also your first cousin.
5. Your dad eats mensef with his hands and forces his son to "join the men."
6. You're fat and blame it on the kids, or you're bald and blame it on the
stress.
8. Your aunt asks you when she can dance at your wedding.
9. You smoke as if it were your last day on earth...and you only
smoke MARLBOROS.
10. You wear more cologne than deodorant.
11. You pronounce "comfortable" cun-fort-a-bull.
12. You say the letter "h" like "etch."
13. You put olive oil in and on everything and brag about how healthy it is.
14. You gossip about your own family...with members of your own family.
15. You have more then 4 kids.
16. You eat humus at least 4 times a week.
17. You cook a meal that lasts 3 days.
18. You talk crap about the abeed, but love them when they buy from you.
19. At parties, you think it's cool to dance and smoke at the same time.
20. You pity anyone who is not an Arab and think all other cultures are morally
corrupt.
21. You have fruit trees in your backyard and when they are in season you live
on them.
22. You don't use the word "tease" in English cause you feel weird.
23. You watch the hell out of the Arabic channel and talk crap about the rest.
24. Your father swears at you with words that effect himself.
25. You have 500,000,000 cousins.
26. At weddings it takes the bride and groom 4 hours to kiss all the guests.
27. You "get down" from the car instead of "getting out" of it.
28. You act like you want to pay, but in reality you hate to pay.
29. You have a gold necklace of your name written in Arabic.
30. You own and/or play a tubleh
31. Your middle name is your father's first name.
32. If you are male, you're named after your grandfather or great-grandfather.
33. You play cards till the break of dawn.
34. You never run out of bizzer.
35. You can't have a meal without bread.
36. You get offended when Americans call Arabic bread "Pita bread,"
37. If you are an Arab woman, you dye your hair an obviously fake shade of
blonde that is nonexistent in nature and swear that it's natural.
38. You feel proud when someone famous or a celebrity has any Arabic blood in
them.
39. You teach your American friends Arabic words (mostly bad ones) and get happy
when they use them in normal conversations.
40. Your Mom has a creative nick name for you like Susu, Natoosheh, or
Tuntooneh."
41. You have a difficult Arabic name so you come up with an Americanized version
of it like "Sam" or "Mike."
42. You have someone tell you your fortune through your coffee cup.
43. You love Um Kalthoom and if you don't, your dad makes you listen to her and
tries to translate the words into English so you can appreciate her as much as
he does.
44. Three or more relatives live in your neighborhood.
45. If you're a single Arab guy, you tell women you're a "successful
businessman" or that you "own a successful business back home" even if you're
an unemployed goat herder.
46. Your favorite food is warag dawali, but you are embarrassed to tell your
friends that you eat leaves for dinner.
47. You get really happy and call the whole familyto the room when there is a
special or documentary on Arabs or anything Arab-related on CNN or PBS.
48. You use church as a social ground to meet potential wives/husbands
49. You have a uni-brow...and if you don't, you pluck it.
50. You bump Arabic music at all times!