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i think wats triggering it is all the deaths in it first my great grandma dies then my aunt then three uncles the pain inside is growing all the friends i had are gone i come on this dang website to escape crappy reality but all i get is criticism im always avoiding the thought if all my other family dies whos next my sisters my brothers i wonder wats going to happen next and the one person who understood the one person who knew wat to do is gone i had one chance and i failed it because im such a wimp i wonder if il ever get them back the joy that was inside me is fading slowly everyday i have less and less i get in a fight everyday i do watever i can to take out my anger but theres just to much ill never be an emo ill never be suicidal theres more going on in my life then a normal kid my age should