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Outcry-Chapter 1-Earth's Lost Guns were blazing. That was the last noise I heard in my now deserted home of Ohio. As the U.S.A entered W.W.IV, it all ended as they killed my family. I snapped, took control over the military and nuked all of Earth. It has been 5 years and I've never found the killer. My only motive for this problem is that there is now only 5 of my kind now, other than myself, I only have 4 brothers. We are forced to fight the Valkyrie, the orginization that killed my family. The Valkyrie are a terrorist organization, they have gone mad knowing they have extrardinary powers. "James, my father, our father, always noted how sad it is that the Valkyrie were once good." Jack always told his younger brothers Reaver, Colt, and Ryan Rose, and my father's friend's son who he adopted after his patriotic death, Blaine Blackheart. Jack was taking cover in the now deserted "Old" New York, as they created another New York. Barely any non-Valkyrie had survived the blasts. 2.1% of the worlds population were left, without Jack and the Brothehood of Dragons. In the distance he heard a machine gun. "The Valkyrie are here, they found m...." Jack fell with at least 5 tranquilizer darts in his back. The last thing he clearly heard was: "He is ours now, he is lost, as have the Dragon Brotherhood, and now that he's our...... Earth has lost." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The End of chapter 1, comment and tell me if u liked it!

Posted by: black-side-of-the-heart Fri Jan 30, 2009 @ 04:12pm

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"I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
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Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah
Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down"....

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black-side-of-the-heart
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Commented on: Fri Jan 30, 2009 @ 04:21pm


	anyone?

Commented on: Fri Jan 30, 2009 @ 06:46pm


	Pretty good. I like it.

schnauzers4Robin
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RC Cola2046
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Commented on: Fri Jan 30, 2009 @ 06:49pm


	not bad but i think you could flesh it out a bit more. Is the main character supposed to be Jack? Because you used first person in the beginning and then switched to talking about Jack, which confuses me a little

Commented on: Fri Jan 30, 2009 @ 06:55pm


	Jack is the main character, his family was killed, anyways, what you mean 'flesh it out'? More detail, REMEMBER this is the first draft of the book, when it's done(and it will suck to type it up), it will be ALOT longer!

black-side-of-the-heart
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RC Cola2046
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Commented on: Fri Jan 30, 2009 @ 07:01pm


	can i suggest doing one of two things? either keep the story in first person the whole time...or use third person (as in refer to the character as Jack from the very beginning) You might want to stick with first person though since the story is called Jack Rose's Final Diary

Commented on: Fri Jan 30, 2009 @ 07:20pm


	It's called Outcry.......... wow whoosh! j/k sorry, I'm switching between them, sorry but there is more than one character to focus on to......... I'm probable going to start going Azuleas's Eyes/Jack's Eyes/Revers Eyes(who is telling that part!)

black-side-of-the-heart
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mizu kage 4
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Commented on: Tue Feb 03, 2009 @ 12:44am


	Great storyline! I like how you described Jack fighting. Hey do you know your guns pretty well?

Commented on: Mon Feb 09, 2009 @ 01:54am


	I somewhat do. I'm obsessed with revolvers.

black-side-of-the-heart
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Vein-the-disturbed
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Commented on: Thu Nov 12, 2009 @ 09:29pm


	love it good story vary good

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