Love is Wicked
I met someone today.
In the library, at university.
It wasn’t instant attraction like it was between Sasuke and I, but I think this could work.
He seemed nice. Curly light brown hair, hazel eyes, a little on the short side but taller than me and tanned.
Interesting.
Really different from Sasuke, who’s pale and tall but lanky, with dark, dark eyes and matching hair, which he wears razor sharp. I remember thinking he was hot but being intimidated by him when we were younger. At some point though, we started getting close and I stopped being so shy.
But this other guy, Setoshi- I think he’ll be good for me.
He’s an art major, and he laughs a lot.
I like that.
It was kind of fast, but he asked me to go to dinner with him and some friends next weekend and I said yes. Usually I don’t but I need to move on from the past. I need to focus on my future, because I don’t want to be lonely forever.
“Hey you.”
I glance up from my textbooks, and manage a smile. “What are you doing here Ino? I thought you said you’d never be caught dead in a library?”
My best friend made a face at me and flipped her silky blond hair over her shoulder before taking a seat. “Midterm next week- desperate measures.”
“Right. How’s Shika?”
“Wouldn’t know. Haven’t spoken to him in a while.”
“Another fight?”
She was quiet for a moment, and then smiled at me- almost as though she were in pain. “We broke up.”
My mouth fell open. “You’re kidding?”
“I wish I was.”
I could see the tears sparkling in her light eyes. She was trying to be strong, but she couldn’t hide her feelings from me. Just like I couldn’t hide my feelings from her. Without saying a word, I hugged her.
I know Ino. She hates showing emotions- to her it’s a form of weakness. When I pulled away, the tears were gone and she had on her carefree mask again.
“I don’t really care though,” she told me, opening up her notebook. “If he loved me he would have stayed, right?”
“He does love you.”
She said nothing for a moment, and then laughed suddenly. “Oh who cares? Wanna go for a drink tonight? My treat. I bought the cutest little dress the other day, and I’m dying to try it out.”
“But the midterm?”
“Oh just for a few hours, you annoying nerd.”
I smiled. “Fine.”
“Wear something red.”
“Wouldn’t that look odd with my hair?”
“It suits you, strangely enough.”
I remembered with a pang, Sasuke saying that same exact thing to me when we were younger. Biting my lower lip, I shook my head turned back to my books.
I did not want an F in biology on top of all my other problems.
-- --
Spinning.
Spinning.
Twirling.
Little bursts of color.
I felt so high- so free- so alive.
The music felt incredible, and the rush of bright lights around me blindingly euphoric.
“Wanna head home with me?”
The words were whispered into my ear, and accompanied by hot, smelly breath. I tried to make a face, and push the hands that were wrapping around me away, but I found that I didn’t have the energy.
I felt too loose- watery almost, and couldn’t bring myself to protest as the guy began kissing my neck.
I hated the way he kissed.
Sasuke did it so much better- Sasuke didn’t slobber on me and Sasuke never got drunk when we were together.
Sasuke.
The alcohol (and whatever else was mixed into my drink) had heightened my sense of emotion, and tears started into my eyes. All I really wanted now was to be in his apartment, watching TV together like we used to do.
I wanted him, and yet here I was being lead out of a club with some random stranger. A stranger I couldn’t even protect myself against.
Ino.
Where was she?
I can’t remember.
My mind won’t stop spinning.
The man has me pressed up against his car now, and his hands are everywhere at once- my arms, my legs, my thighs, my a**, my breasts. Touching, groping, fondling. I’m disgusted but I can’t do more than whimper a little because my mind refuses to focus.
His lips are pressed against mine now and I hate it. I feel him slip his tongue into my mouth, and I nearly choke. He grabs me by the waist and presses me up higher against the car, in this dark corner of the parking lot, so that he’s standing in between my legs.
He’s grunting in an effort to pull my panties down, and I want to throw up.
Then suddenly I feel the man’s heavy weight being lifted off me, and I find myself lying sprawled on the floor. I can’t think clearly, I can’t even see. All I can do is be thankful, and close my eyes against the thundering in my head.
A little while later, I feel somebody touch my face, and say my name sternly.
I recognize that voice.
I recognize that touch.
I want to call to him, but then a rush of nausea stops me and all I can do is roll over and pour out the contents of my stomach.
He reaches over and holds my hair back, telling me I’ll be fine in his usual emotionless tone.
When it ends, I sit back and smile a little. “I feel like s**t.”
“Drugs have that effect on people. You’ll be okay once we get you something to drink and you lie down for a while. I’m taking you to my place.”
That had to be the longest sentence he’d ever spoken.
“No.”
“Sakura.” There’s a note of warning in his voice.
“Why do you care?”
“Che.” There’s a short silence. He’s bent down right beside me, and I see the sincerity in his dark, usually expressionless eyes. “I never stopped caring.”
My eyes feel heavier and fall shut, but I find the effort to respond. “Liar.”
“You shouldn’t dance with strangers.”
“Oh ******** you.”
Silence again.
I open my eyes and find him standing far away now, close to the unconscious body of my molester. He looks tired, angry and annoyed.
Our eyes meet.
I’m suddenly overcome by a rush of emotion for him, and then the very next moment, I wish he’d leave. I also wish I didn’t love him so damn much. My heart aches with longing- yes, with longing! Pitiful to yearn for someone who’s thrown your feelings back in your face, right?
We stay there, looking at each other for what seems like hours but was probably only minutes. My eyes are drinking him in, all of him. It’s been so long since I’ve allowed myself to even meet his gaze, and now here we are, talking again- acknowledging each other’s existence.
“You were always an a*****e, you know.”
He says nothing, reaches in his pocket for his cigarettes, and then selects one from the pack, lighting it.
“Even when we were kids.”
An inhalation of tobacco. He isn’t even looking at me.
But I don’t care, so I continue: “Just never to me.”
Those fiery black eyes are fixed on me again, in an intimidating gaze. “I always treated you like s**t.”
I can hear the faint surprise that colors his voice.
“No, not really. There’s a difference between being a jerk, and being an a*****e. You were always a jerk to me, but never an a*****e like you were to everyone else.” Without saying much else, I get up shakily, using the car behind me for support.
“Where do you think you’re going, Sakura?”
“Home.”
“No.”
I glare at him. “I don’t have the energy to argue about this.”
“Exactly.”
I try to ignore him and leave, but I end up stumbling in my high heels. Thankfully, he’s at my side in a second, stopping the fall that had been otherwise inevitable.
My skin tingles deliciously where his hand circles my upper arm.
“Get off me.” I don’t really want him to.
He doesn’t. “What were you doing in a place like this anyway?”
If I didn’t know any better I’d say he was jealous- but thankfully, I know better. “What’s it to you?”
I can tell I’m pissing him off. “Don’t annoy me.”
“Oh, that’s right: I always did annoy you. I hope what’s-her-name isn’t as irritating. Maybe you prefer her to me-.”
I never got the chance to continue with my taunts because a moment later he had me pressed between him and a silver Mercedez, belonging to one of the many club goers. The drunken guy had, had me in this position a little earlier too, but it felt different now. Sasuke made me want to kiss him incessantly, rather than vomit.
He bent his head a little, and for a fraction of a second I thought he would kiss me.
I wanted him to kiss me.
We were so close.
I could smell the familiar scent of him: clean like soap and water, with just a hint of cologne and tobacco.
My eyes fell shut, and I waited, excepting to feel his lips on mine any moment now.
And yet that moment never came.
When I looked at him, I knew he could see the confusion in my eyes, just as easily as I could see the tortured look in his. He lifted his hands, so that they were cradling my face, and then pressed his forehead against mine.
“Sakura.” His voice sounded hoarse. He sounded almost angry with himself.
I loved the way he said my name.
I loved him.
Suddenly, caught in that moment, the past didn’t seem to matter so much. Right now all I wanted was to be as close as possible to him, to draw closer to the warmth that radiated from his body and spend the night with him.
My arms slipped around the strong column of his neck. “Kiss me.”
He was looking at me again now. “No.”
It was like a slap in the face. “Do you really prefer her?”
I sounded needy, and I hated it yet I had to know.
“Of course not.” One of his hands was now involved in gently stroking my hair. It reminded me so strongly of the past that I had to fight the overwhelming lump in my throat.
“Then why won’t you kiss me?” The tears were rolling down my cheeks now, unchecked.
“Because you’re drunk.”
“I don’t care, Sasuke.”
He was brushing my tears away. “Don’t make this harder than it is.”
“I’m crying, and I hate to cry. I never look good when I cry. Please take me home. I just want to go home.”
And now, despite his earlier protestations, he bent his head down and kissed my lips, briefly, gently. There was no passion, just affection. It was almost chaste. But before he could pull away, I had my hands in his hair, drawing him closer.
I needed to feel that he still loved me.
I needed to know I was still important to him.
I needed him to make me feel mind-blowing bliss again.
“Let’s forget everything,” I whispered to him, shakily. “Just for tonight.”
