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Moonlight Mermaid journal
Chapter 28: Behind the Mask Lies...
User Image When I woke up, I was alone, lying in the same bed as the night before, in a simply furnished little bedroom, with an ordinary mahagony bedstead, lit by a lamp standing on the marble top of an old Louis-Phillippe chest of drawers. I soon discovered that I was a prisoner and that the only outlet from my room led to a very comforable bathroom.On returning to my bedroom, I saw on the chest of drawers a note, in red ink, which said,

My dear Melissa,
You need have no concern as to your fate. you have not better nor more respectful friend in this world then myself. You are alone, at present, in this home which is yours. I am going out shopping to fetch you all the things that you can need.


I felt sure that I had fallen into the hands of a madman. I ran round my little apartment, looking for a way of escape which I could not find. I upbraided myself for my absurd superstition, which had caused me to fall into the trap. I felt inclined to laugh and to cry at the same time. This was the state of mind in which Lelouch found me. (I was a bit clastrophobic) After giving three taps on a wall, he walked in quietly through a door which I hand not noticed and which he left open. He had his arms full of boxes and parcels and arranged them on the bed, in a leisurely fashion, while I overwhelmed him with abuse and called upon him to take off his mask, if it covered the face of an honest man. "Please! I wish to see the face of my Lelouch!" I pleded. He replied serenely "You sha'll never see Lelouch's face." And he reproached me with not having finished dressing at the time of day: he was good enough to tell me that is was two o' clock in the afternoon. He said he would give me half an hour and, while he spoke, wound up my watch and set it for me. After which, he asked me to come to the dining room, where a nice lunch was waiting for us.

User Image For so many unexplainable (or stupid) reasons, I was very angry, slammed the door in his face and went to the bathroom. When I came out again, feeling greatly refreshed, Lelouch said "I love you", but that he would never tell me so except when I allowed him, and that the rest of the time would be devoted to music. "You can tell me you love me whenever you please." I told him. He smiled. "But what do you mean by the rest of the time?" I asked. "Five days," He said, with decision. "Should I then be free?" I asked. "You will be free, Melissa, for, when those five days are past, you will have learned not to see me; and then from time to time, you will come to see you poor Lelouch!" He pointed to a chair opposite him, at a small table, and I sat down, feeling greatly perturbed. However, I ate a few prawns and the wind of a chicken and drank half a glass of tokay, which he had himself, he told me, brought from the Kongigsberg cellars. Lelouch did not eat or drink. "I'd..." I stopped myself. "Yes..." He encouraged. I thought for a minute. I did love this man. He was gentle. He was caring. A bit eccentric, but sill loving. "What if I choose to stay with you fo ras long as we sha'll live?" I asked. I hoped I had been clear and specific enough for him. "I wouldn't disaprove of it as I love you, and don't want you to go." He said. I asked him what his nationality was and if that name of his (his true name) Erik did not point to his Scandinavin orgin. He said his fathers name was Erik, but he did not like the name so he took up the name Lelouch. After lunch I felt very much full, and was feeling a bit sleepish. He seemed to notice, as he gave a chuckle. He rose, and gave me the tips of his fingers, saying "I believe you could use a nap." But I snatched away my hand and gave a cry. What I had touched was cold and, at the same time, bony; and I remembered taht his hands smelt of death. "Oh, forgive me!" He moaned.

User Image Lelouch suddenly, and quite unexpectedly, swept me off my feet, causing me to blush, and carried me to the swan shaped bed from the night before. I was slightly convenced that everything that had happened to me sense the night before was a dream. Only a dream, and that I would wake up in Anastasia's house, in the guest room, still locked in the room. But most of me didn't think this was a dream. Lelouch layed me in the bed, and started to sing me to sleep with the same song from before: The Music of the Night. At peace was I. Hardly any other thought went through my mind after that. The only other thing I thought of was his music, his voice, and this song which was a lullaby to me. While I slept I dreamt of Lelouch taking me from Mat, and Anastasia. Leading me into darkness with his voice. I dreamt of the white creature that helped lead me even further from the light. the unforgetable boat ride. The candles in the lair. Everything. When I woke again I was alone again. the door which my Lelouch had entered through earlier still open. the red velvet bed sheets were pulled over me, obviously Lelouch had pulled them over me. They were very warm. I sat up, and streached. I looked around the room for Lelouch. No sign of him. Had he left to go on an airend again?

User Image I sat in the bed waiting for Lelouch to show himself, or for his angel voice to come forth. when it did not, I wanted to cry out to him. I was what seemed, to becoming afraid of the dark and of being alone. Lelouch...Where was my Lelouch? I curled up into a ball, and silently cried. I rocked back, and fourth as I waited for my Lelouch. Finally after several minutes of silent tearing I wondered if he was in another room, playing music while I slept. I dried my tears, and climbed out of the bed. I was still wondering if all of this was a dream. I decided to sing about my dream, and compare it to what I was about to see if I was dreaming. As I walked into the next room I started my song.

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I remember
There was mist
Swirling mist
Upon a vast
Glassy lake

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There were candeles
All around
And on the lake
There was a boat
And in the boat
There was a man


Everything was the same as my dream. the vast, glassy lake. Swirling mist and, I turned my head to my right, Lelouch! The man in the boat! My Lelouch! My Lulu! (my nickname for him) He was working on something but at the sound of my voice he looked up, and stared at me. Then he turned around to his work, and his piano where he sat. I walked over to him.

Who's was that
Shape in the shadows
Whose is that face
In the mask


I placed my hands on his face and felt the part of his face that was not covered by the mask. I felt a need to see beneath the mask. I wanted to know the face of the voice, and with a movement which I was utterly unable to control, swiftly my fingers tore away the mask. Oh horror, horror, horror!

I fell back against the wall, as he slammed me to the ground and he came up to me, grinding his teeth, as I fell to my knees, he hissed mad, incoherent words and curces at me. Leaning over me, he cried, "Look! You want to see! See! Feast your eyes, glut your soul on my cursed ugliness! Look at Lelouch's face! Now you know the face of the voice! You were not content to hear me, eh? You wanted to know what I looked like! Oh, you women are so inquisitive! Well are you satisfied? I'm a very good looking fellow, eh?...When a women has seen me, as you have, she belongs to me. She love me forever. I am a kind of Don Juan, you know!(the name of an opera he was working on)" He cried. "Look at me! I am Don Juan triumphant! Damn you! You little prying pandora! You little demon! Is this what you wanted to see?! Curse you! You little lying Delilah! You little viper! Now you cannot ever be free! Damn you! Curse you!" I backed into the corner of the room, hugging it, as to stay away from Lelouch who was scaring me now. Tears in my eyes. How could an angel become so violent like this all at once? And, when I turned away my head and begged for mercy, he drew it to him, brutally, twisting his dead fingers into my hair. He dragged my by my hair...and then...and then...oh, it's too horrible! then he hissed at me "Ah, I frighten you, do I?...I dare say!...Perhaps you think that I ahve another mask, eh, and that this...this...my head is a mask? Well," He roared, "Tear it off as you did the other! come! Come along! I insist! Your hands! Your hands! Give me your hands!"

User Image And he seized my hands and dug them into his awful face. He tore his flesh with my nails tore his terrible dead flesh with my nails! "Know" He shouted, while his throught throbbed and panted like a furnace, "Know that I am built up of death from head to foot and that it is a corpse (he's not actually dead) that loves you and adores you and will never, never leave you!...Look, I am not laughing now, I am crying, crying for you, Melissa, who have torn off my mask and who therefore can never leave me again!...As long as you thought me handsome, you could have come back, I know you would have come back...but, now that you know my hidiousness, you would run away for good...So I sha'll keep you here! why did you want to see me?...When my own father never saw me and when my mother, so as not to see me, made me a present of my first mask!" Then he began to sing.

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Stranger than you
Dreamt it
Can you even
Dare to look
Or bear to think
Of me

This loathsome
Gargoyle who
Burns in hell
But secretly
Yearns for heaven
Secretly Secretly
Melissa


the phantom hid the deformed part of his face with his hand. He looked at the life size doll of me.

You'll learn to see
To find the man
Behind this monster
This repulsive carcass
Who seems a beast
But secretly dreams
Of beauty
Secretly Secretly


"Oh, Melissa" He said. He had let go of me at last and was dragging himself about on the floor, uttering terrible sobs. And then he crawled away like a snake, went to the bedroom closed the door and left me alon to my reflections. Presently I heard the sound of the organ (in my head); and then I began to understand Lelouch's contemptuous phrase when he spoke about opera music. What I now heard was utterly different from what I had heard up to then. His Don Juan Triumphant (for I had no doubt but that he had rushed to his masterpiece to forget the horror of the moment) seemed to me at first one long, awful, magnificent sob. But, little by little, it expressed every emotion, every suffering on which mankind is capable. It intoxicated me; and I (grabbed the mask from the floor) opened the door that seperated us. Lelouch rose, as I entered, but dared not turn in my direction. "Lelouch" I cried, still frightened and my voice showing it, "Show me your face without fear! I swear that you are the most unhappy and sublime of men; and, if I ever again shiver when I look at you, it will be because I am thinking of that splendor of your genius!"

He fell at my feet, with words of love...with words of love in his "dead" mouth (again he's not actually dead)...and the music had ceased...He kissed the hem of my dress and did not see that I closed my eyes. (not because I was scared or anything) I sunk onto my feet, and held him in my arms. As I did, I began to think about everything that was happaning. With what feeling does he inspire me, since I do not hate him? This question I thought of Mat or Anastasia asking me. How would they react to my answer? What was my answer? With horror! That is the terrible thing about it. He fills me with horror and I do not hate him. How can I hate him, Mat? How can I hate him, Anastasia? Think of Lelouch at my feet, in the house on the lake, underground. My thoughts turned completly to Lelouch.

He accuses himself, he curses himself, he implores my forgivness!...He confesses his cheat! He loves me! He lays at my feet an immense and tragic love...He had carried me off for love!...He had imprisoned me with him, underground, for love! but he respects me: He crawls, he moans, he weeps!...And, when I stood up, and told him that I could only despise him if he did not, then and there, give me my liverty...he offered it...he offered to show me the mysterious road...Only...only he rose too...and I was made to remember that, though he was not an angel, nor a ghost, nor a genius, he remained the voice...for he sang. And I listened...and stayed! That night, we did not exchange another word. He sang me to sleep. (why did I tierd out so easily) I woke about an hour later. I was in bed again. But this time Lelouch was lying next to me...sleeping. My Lulu was sleeping (not to meantiene looking hot in nothing but his boxers (^,~)) at my side in the swan shaped bed, with the red velvet bed sheets, and black lace curtains. His mask on again. Was he still ashamed of his looks? I couldn't explain it, but I couldn't help but feel like there was another reason why he had the mask over half of his face, besides the reason of his deformed left half of his face.

User Image I was still in my day cloths so I got up and quietly looked for a night gown. I found one. I went to the bathroom to change. As I slipt out of my day cloths, and into my silk pink spagetti strap nightgown, and threw a matching silk robe over my arms (my feet were cold though so I kept my socks on), I started to think about Mat. How would he react, truthfully, if he saw all the things I was doing now. Sleeping in the same bed as Lelouch (NOT having sex of course). Letting Lulu hit me I angered him (like earlier), and still not be afraid to leave him? Would he even care? Did he love me the way I loved him? How I longed for these questions to be answered. But...what if he didn't feel the same? What if I was a joke him? What happened if he didn't like me the way I did him? Would I be able to take a 9th hit in the hear? Would I sulk even deeper into my depression? Would I look to darkness for answeres? Would I give up on the world of light, and fall into darkness? run to my Lelouch for confert? Love? Gentleness? Love? Or would I be so depressed over all the hearbreaks that I would commi suicide? so many questions swirled in my head. All of which I wanted answered.

User Image It seemed like every time I got heartbreak I became more depressed. More sulkey. My brother's Kaname and Zero (I was closer to Kaname) noticed it the most. When I took my fifth or sixth heartbreak Kaname was the one who helped me feel better. He held me in his arms until I wanted him to let go, and I stopped crying. Even then he realized I was losing hope in finding love. Was becoming distrustive of boys. when I was sexually harassed he knew I couldn't find it in myself to trust a boy ever again....friend/family or foe. It became rare for me to associate with boys. I trailed off out of my thoughts. I noticed Lelouch had no mirror's hanging around his home. I would have commented on this but thought different, as I knew why he didn't have any. I went through my hair with a brush, and then climbed back into the bed. I turned on my side, and face Lelouch. He was so cute when he was sleeping. I took my fingers, and strocked his cheekbone. The ran them through his hair.

User Image His eyes flutterd open. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." I said, pulling my hand back. "No." He said. "Don't stop. You have no idea how nice that feels." I stroked his cheekbone again. He smiled at my touch. I did this until he fell asleep, and then I did to. That morning while waiting for phantom to finish dressing I sat at the piano in the drawing-room, playing with the keys on it. I then decided to try and play a tune on the instrument. I placed both my hands at the keys, and thought I would play Midna's theme from Twilight Princess. I humed the tune in my head, and then started to play it on the piano. When that tune reached it's end I started playing Norturne of Shadow, followed by Bolero of Fire, Prelude of Light, Requiem of Spirit, Serunade of Water, The song of time. All of these short tunes, but so beautiful they were. I started playing Bella's Lullaby from twilight unaware that I was being watched for a time. "Beautiful. Both the music, and you." Lelouch said. I turned around in my seat to face him, and blushed. "thank you." I said. He came, and sat next to me. I looked on top of the piano, and saw a music book covered with red notes. "'Don Juan Triumphant.'" I read "Yes." He said. "I compose sometimes. I began that work fourteen years ago (he was five when he started working on it). "You must work at it as seldom as you can." I sad. His genius seemed to have no limits. (^,^) "I sometimes work at it for fourteen days and nights together, during which I live on music only, and then I rest for years at a time." He replied.

User Image "Will you play me something out of you Don Juan triumphant?" I asked, thinking to please him. "You must never ask me that." He said, in a gloomy voice. "I will play Mozart, if you like, which will only make you weep; but my Don Juan, Melissa, burns; and yet he is not struck by fire from Heaven." Lelouch at down at the piano. "You see, Melissa, there is some music that is so terrible that is consumes all those who approach it. Fortunately, you have not come to that music yet, for you would lose all your pretty coloring and nobody would know you when you returned to gaia. Let us sing something from the opera, Melissa Triton." he spoke these last words as though he were flinging an insult at me.What did I do? (Another question I could picture Anastasia and Mat asking me) I had not time to think about the meaning he put into his words. We at once began the duet in Othello and already the catastrophe was upon us. I sand Desdemona with a despair, a terror which I had never displayed before. As for him, his voice thundered forth his revengeful soul at every note. Love, jealousy, hatred, burst out around us in harrowing cries. Lelouch's white half mask made me think of the natural mask of the Moor of Venice. he was Othello himself. Suddenly, I felt a need to see beneth the mask, like yesterday. I wanted to know more of the face of the voice again. What was the other reason he hid the left half of his face? Was there another reason? I wanted to rip the mask off again. I resisted though. "Lelouch?" I asked. "Is there another reason...why you hide the left half of your face?"

I braced myself incase he got violet again. But instead he rose, and rubbed his temples. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't of asked." I said. "No. No, it's fine. You just caught me off guard a little." He said. He fell silent for a minute. I knew Mat and Anastasia would be watching and listning somehow. "I guess I should have expected you to ask after yesterday." He continued to rub his temples. "I'm not...sure...I can explain it." He said. I approched him, and stroked his cheekbone. He looked into my eys as if in some sort of pain. "It can't be all that bad." I said. He glanced away from me. "Lelouch," I said. "Show me your face without fear." I said this gently. He layed his head on my shoulder, and I heard a small cry escape his lips. "I can show you better then I can explain probably." He said. "Which ever works best for you." I said. Lelouch lifted his head up, and took a few steps back. He reached, with a trembling hand, for the mask covering the left half of his face. Then I gasped as he removed his mask, and I saw the other reason he hid his face...

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To be continued in Chapter 29...






User Comments: [2]
Mat_Wind and Aura Knight
Community Member





Sat Mar 07, 2009 @ 12:02am


Ana would be watching, but I'd be out searching. I don't like to be cooped up too long.


srs diva 2011 xxl
Community Member





Sat Mar 07, 2009 @ 04:41am


Beautiful, and worth the wait. A wonderous lovechild of the book and the musical! However, this is one time where I am totally unaware of your conduct, or at least will turn a blind eye to it. It's too pretty, even the scary parts, to make me mad at you.


User Comments: [2]
 
 
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