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Yesterday I happened upon a cheery young maple tree that was being so cruelly threatened by a dangerous man with a chainsaw... being the natural hero that I am I wasn't about to let such a crime be committed withen my sumptous sight. I puffed out my chest, put on my most athoritative voice and jumped to the trees defense, quickly managing to direct the confused woodsman elsewhere. He did however mutter a few derogatory comments about hippies and tree-huggers on his way out but I hardly cared. Since there weren't any withen earshot and he certainly couldn't have been refering to my elegant self.
The tree hardly thanked me however, and when I tried to conversate with the thing it did nothing but giggle and ask for a hug. No surprise to me really, I mean... who would really expect a maple tree to be intelligent anyway? Never-the-less I stuck around and told the overjoyed tree a few of my more robust tales of confidence and valor. The tree wasn't much for being an audience either, what with all the giggling and wiggling it was doing. So I began asking it some more personal questions hoping to get a more substantial response. After a few minutes of accomplishing absolutely nothing I asked the tree how old it was.
"(giggle) Im seven! (giggle)" said the tree.
"Hmmm..." says I, "hold still a moment tree."
As the tree happily complied I picked up a hefty stone and hurled it up into the upper branches of the maple. Just as I suspected, this silly sapling was not really a rare half-sentient form of forest greenery but a seven year old girl, who made her not-so-graceful decent out of the tree, bouncing off a few boughs and breaking a few of the trees weaker limbs on the way down. She landed with a sickening thud and lay in the mud facedown for a few seconds but she eventually came to... still wearing a dazed grin on her face.
Of course, the first thing she said when she sat up was, "(giggle)."
The second thing she did, as you could I'm sure have easily guessed, was begin to wail and cry and call me things like, "big meany."
Feeling relinquised and satisfied at avenging my perception I gave the bruised up child a shiny red lollipop and strode off into the waning sun. I'm sure I'll be remembered in heaven for the good lesson I taught this young girl about the dangers of deception.