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DR. DEMENTO HELLO MOTHER, HELLO FATHER LYRICS

Hello mother, hello father,
Here I am at Camp Grenada.
Camp is very entertaining,
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining!

I went hiking with Joyce Fivey,
He developed poison ivy.
You remember Lennard Skynard,
He got tomain poisoning last night after dinner!

All the counselors hate the waiters,
And the lake has alligators!
And the head coach wants no sissies,
So he reads to us from something called 'Ulysses'.

No, I don't want (this should scare ya),
But my bunkmate has malaria!
You remember Geoffrey Hardy,
They're about to organize a searching party!

Take me home, oh mother, father.
Take me home, I hate Grenada.
Don't leave me out in the forest,
Where I might get eaten by a bear!

Take me home, I promise that I will not make noise,
Or mess the house with other boys.
Oh please don't make me stay;
I've been here one whole day!

Dearest father, darling mother,
How's my precious little brother?
Let me come home if you miss me;
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me!

Wait a minute; it stopped hailing.
Guys are swimming, guys are sailing.
Playing baseball; gee that's better.
Mother, father, kindly disregard this letter!