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I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do. Let me explain. See, I got a call today from Job Corps. Now what Job Corps is is a job training place and they not only o that, but they help you get your license, your GED (if not graduated high school), and help you get a job. So I got this call and it's from the person that does the drug screenie there. So I answered the phone and she was all "Are you still interested into joining Job Corp?" I told her "Yes" and she told me "well you're gonna have to have a drug screenie test."

Now knowing I have to do that, I kow that I am guaranteed to pass it because I don't drink nor smoke. But if I do get into this, how will I know for sure if this is what I want? I mean let's be serious for a moment. If I do take this oppotunity, that would mean throwing everythign away here in my hometown. Meaning won't see my friends as much, won't be able to do the things I have grown to love around the church here like softball, helping out with youth, doing the puppets. So it's like kinda hard on me. And on top of all of this, if I don't do this, then I'm gonna be disowned by my own mother? It's like I can't get myself out of this at all. It's a "do or die" predicament right now. So I'm sittign ehre just kinda lost and everything.

And furthermore, it's gonna put a damper on the plans now to see Rachel becase she was gonna come and see me in August. So now that's out of the question. And that's gonna slash and burn. So yeah. . I'm lost at words