I hate him. I really trully hate him. I try so hard to not hate him and the feeling isn't that strong but if he died. I wouldn't cry. Not for the man that he is to me. He's useless. In my life, he serves no pourpose, fills no role. He's just there and I hate him. I hate how he drags my mom though the dirt by her heart. I hate how sometimes I'm a friend, somtimes I'm a daughter and sometimes I'm this bug that isn't worth his attention. I hate how most of his words to me are comments to the air above my head or orders for me to obey. I'm suppose to jump when he says jump, dispeare when he doesn't want me and stop what ever I'm doing to please him! Well I'm ******** sick of it!
He was suppose to be gone before I got back but he wasn't. He was suppose to be gone two weeks ago but he wasn't. He was suppose to be gone in a few days but he'll still be here. I don't care what he says. I don't care what he does. I just want him out of my life. It sucks being something who tries so hard to be fair. I don't want to take credic that isn't mind, or place blame where it doesn't belong and now I have to deal with him
How many tears have I shead over him? Far more then I should have? Why can't I stop them now? Because I'm a bleeding heart with a soft skin. Because once I let someone in it takes a lot of pain, and a lot of tears to get them back out and damn him for geting in when I was young. Damn him for not just leaving easily now. Damn him for being more of a kid then I am. I'm 16 years old and I feel like I'm older then him sometimes.
I've seen a real adult. I watched my mom fight hard to keep me when she was unempolyed and didn't have two pennies to rub together. I watch her do all she could so I wouldn't have to leave, wouldn't have to uproot myself to go somewhere I didn't go. If he had been in the same postion I would of been gone without a warning. And I've seen my mom cry because of him. I know only two people that made my mom cry. Him and me.
I was being selfish when I've done that and I always felt like hell afterward. I don't know if he feels about anyone but himself really. God I'm sick of him. I'm sick of his smell clinging to my clothes so people ask if I smoke. I'm sick of hopeing every damn day that he wont be there so I can get a moment's rest. I'm sick of living around someone I hate. I'm sick of not being able to go home in my own damn house! I'm sick of my home being taken from me every time he steps though that door.
I hate him.
And because of that I'm crying.
 Flamefire123 · Mon Dec 05, 2005 @ 01:53am · 1 Comments |
