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yesterday me adn my mom talked. she KINDA inspired me to stop being this way. she says that there should be no excuse to be depressed. she says that he has been "depressed" for five years now. and that is way to much.

after we talked we look thru google for some quotes. alot of those quotes have inspired me. then we started to see some that could remind him of the better. i emailed him some. then mom suggested that i email him how i am feeling. she said that she wants me to be as open to him as i am being as open to her because i find it kinda hard for me to talk to him about something. and i found it very nice(tho i cried thruout the whole email) because my email was very touching. i think i will put it here............... i warn you tho.. dont try to understand who is in it and what i wrote about. if you dont understand very well that's fine... cause it IS my personal email to my father...
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to daddy
title: i want to tell you...

why i want you to stop smoking.

i want you to stop smoking because it is hazardous to your health. It can also make your teeth yellow and the smell tends to stick to you.
the main reason i want you to stop is because i love you too much. because you need to see how lucky you are. you are lucky that only your shoulder got damaged. you are lucky you can still move. you are lucky you are still here. dont abuse your luck. what if you were paralized or worse? dad please.. stop smoking. everytime i think of you and that accident i cant help but cry. because it is hard not to think about what could have happened. and then i think of you smoking... that is worse than the accident because you are the one leading yourself to death so please. stop smoking. i know this is probably hard for you to read but it is even harder for me to write. but it is much easier to write to you then tell you up front. because everytime i tried to tell you... i would break out in tears.
i would think that your smoking is doing more damage to me then it is doing to you..

I love you from the bottom of my heart so please take in my advice and stop smoking. i have always regreted the day i saw you accept the cigerrette at lolo ben's house. i remember that day well. i was going to ask you a question and right when i was in front of the screen i saw someone hand you a cigerrette. then in the past few weeks when we went to red lobster i gathered up the guts to tell you how i was feeling. but that didnt really work. over the years, it seems to have gotten harder and harder to tell you to stop smoking. i dont know why but it just has. i guess it's cause i always break out in tears when i think of the result of smoking.
i dont know what else to say right now so i guess i will leave it at that.

i love you daddy.

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there we go. *sigh* i think that i feel better adn i will put some of those quotes that inspried me on my profile. or maybe even here in my journal...