But, all humor aside, I'm realizing just how much growing I still need to do. My photography isn't quite good enough to support me yet, neither is my acting. I don't really have any other "fall-back" plans.
My family isn't rich so I can't just live off of them and travel the world taking AMAZING pictures... I need to find a way to get my foot in the door... anywhere.
Suggestions?
Another thing that has been weighing on my mind is my recent 'vacation' of sorts from by best friend in the whole world. We haven't talked since the last Monday of school... two months ago... for a while we were Emailing back and forth, but then she completely cut herself off from me. Deleting me from (I believe) every website that we were on together. She isn't watching me here on dA, she deleted me as a friend on Gaia... I know that sounds really stupid... Like those people who get all offended when you move them out of your top 8 or whatever on MySpace...
But it IS different.
Ever since she and I really met each other, we've been all but inseparable. To the point of getting my parents to loosen my grounding when she had to move away and needed to have a friend. Our friendship spanned 2 states for 3 years... and 2 miles for the one precious year before that.
Does that mean it's really over now?
Not having her has made me look at myself a lot differently. I find myself clawing and practically begging for new friends online. I can hardly concentrate on anything anymore, and best yet, I still can't let go. She means too much to me. There are some days when I just want to drop everything I'm doing and call her... take the risk of her yelling at me or worse not taking the call... just to see if I could hear her voice. And then some days I feel totally ok with what's going on between us... (it wouldn't be the first time I've lost my best friend).
Great, now I'm sitting here crying over it again.
And I'm supposed to be a Senior? Peachy. I need help.... I need to let her know what's going on with me without hurting her...
Gah... I want to talk to you so badly... I stayed at church for all three hours today! Isn't that great? I know you don't like it when I skip church... but I went, and STAYED! I'm trying to patch things up with Damon... and trying to make more of me... I started working out again, cause I have nothing to do EVER here at home. Maybe I'll be skinny next time we meet....
I'm so pathetic.
