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Once upon a time, there was a squirrel named "Dojo". He gets a lot of crap about being named after a training location, so try not to rub it in. One day he was walking along, and came up a red hat. "A red hat?" you say. And then I say, "YES, A RED HAT, now shhhhh!"
Dojo is like, "aw! how cute-r-ific!" And he makes that little heart emoticon. He then puts it on his head, and is like, "am I cute now?"
A turtle named "Tuttle" comes right along at that moment and is like, "UH, NO. You're an uglerific squirrel. Only your mother could love you." And thus Tuttle crushed Dojo's dreams of being cute.
So Dojo goes home and cries to his mother, whose name is Beth, but you don't need to know that. "Only you can love me, Mother," cries Dojo. And she says to him, "Where did you get such an adorable hat?" Dojo the perks up, and his squirrelly tail is all abushel now. "Is it cute?" "Yes, dear squirrel, it is cute. Where can I get one for myself?" "I can get you one! I can get you one!"
And so without quite thinking it through, Dojo goes back down the path where Tuttle lies in wait for him. There, in the middle of the path lies another red hat, almost identical to the one one Dojo's head. "Yay! A hat for Mother!" Dojo squeals. And just when he goes to pick it up, Tuttle throws himself at Dojo, knocking them both down.
"But! But! I need that hat for Mother!" "YOU CANNOT GIVE THAT HAT TO YOUR MOTHER. SHE WILL TURN INTO A SOURCE OF GREAT EVIL IF YOU DO SO!" Tuttle proclaims.
Dojo pushes Tuttle out of the way. "LISTEN HERE, TUTTLE, MY MOTHER IS NOT EVIL." And so, Dojo picks up the red hat. Tuttle tries to reconcile the squirrel, "Huh? What? I'm not Tuttle! I'm Shuttle!" "YEAH, RIGHT. LIKELY STORY." "But, no, I'm serious!!" Shuttle cries.
Dojo scoffs. "Just yesterday you were like, BLAH BLAH, only your mother could love you." "What?" Shuttle sputters. "YES, it was you!" "No! It wasn't! That was Tuttle, the evil shape shifter!!" "No, you dumb turtle, I'm out of here."
Dojo takes off with the hat, and ventures back to his Mother's house. Where there lies in wait an evil army of undead woodland creatures, that just happen to ambush him, and take the hat. Dojo is like, "Hey! That's a hat for Mother!" The undead woodland creatures duct-tape him up in a hostage position. "Thank you Dojo-squirrel, your services were much appreciated." Then they all sprout wings from their backs and fly off in the direction of the setting sun.
"Wait," Dojo cries pitifully.
Dojo is laying there helpless for awhile, and you're wondering, "What the heck is going on here?!" And I'm like, "WAIT FOR IT, SHUTTLE WILL BE ALONG IN A MOMENT."
Soon after, after Dojo starts crying, Shuttle comes along, all ambling-like. "Dojo? ARE YOU OKAY?!" And Dojo cries some more. "Listen, Dojo, I'm really Shuttle. And the turtle named Tuttle you saw yesterday was an evil shape shifter. He was trying to get you to give a powerful weapon to The Evil One." Dojo sniffs pathetically, "The Evil One? Who's The Evil One?"
"The Evil One is the one you call Mother."
And Dojo pulls a line that sounds awfully familiar, like it was in Star Wars Episode Three. "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo."
Briefly, Shuttle scolds him, "Quit the cliche." And Dojo snaps out of it.
"Soon, a source of great evil will rise, and she will have all the undead woodland creatures by her side. Dojo, we must do something!" And so it happened that Dojo and Shuttle set out on a quest to get the red hat that's similar to the hat on Dojo's head, so that they can destory the powerful weapon.
We find our heroes crossing a river, with Dojo standing on Shuttle's back. Their conversation ensues:
"So, Shuttle, how will we destory the hat?" "Dojo, I haven't any idea. But I imagine its weaknesses have to do with extreme powers of good, though." "What qualifies as extreme powers of good?" "I think some old man with a monkey once told me it had to do with a mailbox." "YOU MEAN, THE GOLDEN MAILBOX?!" "YES! DOJO, THAT IS THE MAGICAL MAILBOX."
Dojo and Shuttle finish crossing the river, only to find a dangerous and powerfully dense and dark forest. A foul smell drifts toward them, and Dojo freaks out! "QUICKLY, BACK INTO THE WATER. IT WILL POISON US." Shuttle jumps in- and then Dojo flops into the river. To find that he can walk on water.
"SHUTTLE, look! I can walk on water!!"
Shuttle looks on in awe and amazement as Dojo's squirrel feet do not even get wet. "Why did I let you stand on my back across the river?! You were seriously heavy!"
 RainbowJimmy · Wed Sep 02, 2009 @ 05:38am · 0 Comments |
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