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So Depressed.
Ugh. I'm starting to hate school. There is way too much stress for me. I can't handle it. Mentally or Physically. I'm falling deeper and deeper into my depression. I'm starting to scare myself and my friends. I am starting to feel like Jerami doesn't care. He has Kristen, so why would he care about just another one of his ex's? He's hurting me. He's killing me. I can't handle this. I cry because of him pretty much every day. He walked right beside my locker and completely ignored me. I wait there for him every day. Then, he said he would come to the library with me during lunch. I wanted to spend some time with him, but of course, he didn't show. His excuse was that he went before lunch and I wasn't in there. Then he went back to the lunchroom. He knows I eat before I go to the Library. Maybe I shouldn't eat. I don't even get hungry anymore, so I don't really care. Well, both times I cried like a fool. After he abandoned me at the library, I slammed the heavy lunchroom door in his girlfriend's face. I wish it would have hit her. I wish it would have killed her. Anyways, then Jerami got mad at me and I apologized. He forgave me and we went back to being best friends. He says he cares about me, but I really doubt it. He only cares about her. She's moving. I'm so happy that she's moving. I can't wait until she's gone. Then he'll care about me again. Maybe. Anyways, I also have a lot of stress because of my classes. I have a 1500 word paper due on Friday. I can't start it. I don't know how. I'm too stressed. I'm not going to school on Friday. I can't finish it. Then there's math. Ugh. We have a big unit test on Friday, so I'm extra glad that I won't be there. I can't understand anything. I'm in a class full of jerks who won't shut up. My teacher went from being cool to being annoying. Then there's Honors American Literature I have tons of stem homework and a stems test on, you guessed it, Friday. So now I'm triply glad I won't be there. I am so depressed. I feel as if I'm fading away. Would they care if I did? Would they notice? Can people tell when I cry? One of my friends have said that whenever they are around me, they want to kill themselves. He said he meant this because I'm so unhappy and depressed. Rory made my day today. I bet this is a weird way of making my day, but he made me realize that he cares. Even if he doesn't really like me, he cares. We were walking on the way to fifth. We being Rory, Jerami, and I. Anyways, we were walking and he looked at me and said that every day he sees me getting more and more depressed, that everyday I’m getting worse. At the beginning of the year I told him about how I acted happy. I do act happy when I care. Now I'm at the point to where I don't give a damn. I'll let people see how depressed I am. I only acted happy for Jerami, and now that he doesn't care, why should I?
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