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I plan to write about how my day has gone, exciting things that get me horny......XD just kidding guys*says jking guys in a gay way* N E WAYZ!!!! >3< I'm basically going to write about my "feelings" yucky :P or what I thought was exciting.....

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Sick and Tired of Life I am so tired of life right now. I can't concentrate on anything because college is coming up and my mom is giving me crap about my attitude and when ever i act out she has to call everyone she knows and everyone i know and make fun of me for it. She is yelling at me becuase I haven't written my college essays and their due November 2. I can't write an essay for st. See in real life i dont swear so to say it here just makes me feel alot better. lol only in text can you speak your mind. i dont think im ready for college and m being pressured soo much to get As As As in school and do alot of stuff I wouldnt normally do to just get accepted. Mom got me a therapist. ........ I have never shared my feelings in the open with anybody so why **** start now? I wish I could just find a gun and shoot my brains out because im so tired of life. When I looked at mine compared to the poor chillens in africa i really wish they had my life instead. I dont deserve mine and i know it. I'm to afraid to hurt myself though. I act all tough and rough but when I wanna to easily just kill myself its not easy. I'm just finishing crying over a college essay I am trying to write but I cant start one for crap. I'm suxh a baby lol. For a year I have been searching for someone who isnt afraid to kill me but know body will do it. But then I'm having doubts because I always think what happens if i die. Will mom cry for me? Will my twin's life be ruined or get better if i'm not here? Who will miss me when i'm gone and will they even remember me? When should I start writing my will? Who gets my stuff. Who can I talk to? When will cruel cupid make me fall in love and stay there and have the person feel the same in return? Why is a computer life so much easier then my real life. People just dont understand why I do what I do. When can all this pain and suffering I feel just come to an end? All I know is that God is punishing me for everything that I have ever done in my life since i was born. From regular every day sins to my faith in Him fading. All you people who read this just sit in laugh or say "Oh he's stupid" or "stop trying to get attention" "stop trying to have people pity you because your life is so ****** miserable well what about the other peoples in the world that have problems. They have it worse than you." Signed, So Sick and Tired of Life

Posted by: XxTheEmo-Mad-HatterXx Thu Oct 15, 2009 @ 04:27am

“If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.” "Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see, the pain someone feels." "Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy."

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Honey Wildfire
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Thu Oct 15, 2009 @ 05:41am

-sigh- I hope you don't punish yourself for expressing these thoughts. It's better that you even acknowledge them on here than no where. Talking to a therapist might actually help. Make sure it isn't a psychiatrist! They tend to rely too heavily on medication and only taking medication usually doesn't do that job. I recommend going to a psychologist. They are people there solely to listen to you. They usually have less patients so they tend to remember things about what you say. It's comforting because you don't ever have to worry about them hurting you with what you say. You can say things you want to stay secret and won't burden any of your loved ones.

When you get to the point where pain is the only recognition of living, that isn't living. That, shouldn't be a life anyone would wish for. Even in Africa with the third world poverty, they have a way of living that isn't based on pain. I would assume they rely on the little things and family. I urge you to find something daily to do that will make you happy. Pack an extra cookie or draw or write or doodle funny drawings during lunch of your mom. Anything. Something.

About the essay, you will probably need it to get into college. Colleges are getting tougher about admissions. All I can really say is to take it step by step and maybe talk about it with someone out loud to brainstorm. Talk about various topics then examples and see which ones catch your attention. The things you are most passionate about will be the easiest to write about. As much as it pains me to say it, you'll probably want a family member's help. Maybe your twin could help you?

--Sincerely
A Simple Passerby :3

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