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I wish I could be mad. I wish I could be sad. Gawd, do I ever freaking wish I could stay depressed. Instead I have to go through freaking mood swings every time I remember! It hurts a HELL of a lot worse than simply staying upset.

At first it starts off faking the happy. Y'know, to keep people from asking "What's wrong?"; because while I want to tell people, I don't want them to ask... It makes me feel even worse for ruining their day.

Then I actually am happy. It's easy enough for me to slip into it. I live my whole life with a "happy" face on, if only because of my family. But I hate it when the bad news is slapped in my face again.

Cause my heart faulters and halts all over again. It feels like this time I'll stay sad. But I don't; I never do.

Instead I get shoved in a continous circle of "ugh" and the ONE person I wish I could talk to, wouldn't really give a s**t, besides also being the cause of my mood.