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So much stress.

My mom wants me to be better in school and turn in my work on time, but I can't because I don't have a motivation to make me do so. I feel as if I haven't been getting a lot of motivation, none at all. Nor do I feel like I've been praised for doing something when I do it. I say that I want to do better in school and such but there are two reasons why it's not happening: 1) "stay in school for good future references" still don't help me. 2) Neither motivation nor praises. 3) I have better things to do then worry about school. I know it sounds stupid. I should talk to my mom about this and hopefully she will understand and know what to say. Need to get this out: I think one of the problems why I'm not doing good is because the last time I did something good my English teacher failed me in her class. That pisses me off and I really don't want anything to do with her or her class. Plus, ever since they let students get away with too much, I've been slacking on school. So it's not my complete fault that I don't do as good.

Not much sleep because I'm worried about too many damn things. Such as losing close ones. Or doing something wrong where I wouldn't be able to fix it. Trust is a huge problem too. I've learned to keep my mouth shut in front of everyone. I lie to everyone..to certain people it's not on purpose, I don't want to get in trouble with anyone, and/or I accidently lie about something but not on purpose. I'm so afraid of messing up, but I shouldn't because whatever happens I could fix it somehow. Compromise.

Haven't been eating much because I haven't felt like eating anything even when I'm hungry, not to mention I can't find anything that sounds good to me.

I've been pushing close ones away because I'm afraid. Not to mention I feel terrible every time I hang out with one of my friends. She makes me want to freaking kill her or myself. I think that's the reason why I was happier today. I'm always feeling bad, no matter what. On one or two occasions I don't feel bad.

So on the other note of being happy about what was given to me, I feel horrible and worse everyday, every time, anywhere. (Except some occasions.) I don't need to yelled at or anything anymore. I've got too many things on my hands that I can't handle. I'll figure someway out of it, already got an idea, it works too. Don't know what I should do about my friend though..