Mind, this is no story of heroes on steroids and damsels in heat. Wouldn’t mind if it was though. Hell, I wish it was. But I’ve never really ever gotten what I’ve wanted. Needed. Longed for. Or desired. You get the picture yes? I had a miserable life. That much is true remains true. Yet the life I lived wasn’t. It was a lie from the very beginning. It wasn’t until my sixteenth birthday that I learned I was created in a test tube from the leftovers of some long dead man. I was but just a clone. A replica of what once was. No, this is a but just a story about my life.
It helped to know what I was. A clone. It explained lots of things I’ve constantly wondered about. Such as why everyone I knew (and even those that I didn’t) seemed to deliberately deny my existence. Not with a burning passion, no. It was…with an intense drop dead passion. No, not was, is. Which ironically really did happen to me.
One day I just couldn’t take it anymore. My detachment from the world. My heart slowed, and then stopped. It felt as if I was just taking a nap. A long comforting nap. And my heart flared with warmth for just this very brief instant. And then as suddenly as it had appeared it vanished. Me dying was the best thing that happened at the time. It wasn’t as if I’d be missed. I was raised apart from the world. A world that didn’t seem to want me. I had no regrets. No. I suppose I did have a regret as I died. Never knowing my purpose. Having one. I think that’s what brought me back from death’s hold.
I awoke in a bare room, laid in a coffin, dressed in the clothes I had passed away in. No one was in the room and there was only one door. I left. And took my first step outside into the world. I’ve never been outside. I had to be content with looking out from windows. Not anymore though. It was dark and the only light came from the big round moon above me. I didn’t dwell much on how I was brought back from the dead. The first thought I had during my freedom was that I was hungry. Starving. Ravished. I let my nose guide me. It felt good to be outside by myself. I have certainly spent most of my entire life alone but this time it was different. Probably because it was literally a rebirth of sorts. In the back of my mind I thought that I should be happy. Glad of these recent events. But no, I didn’t feel overjoyed. Just…hungry. I stopped thinking after awhile, stopped looking at my scarce surroundings and kept on walking on a perfectly straight, carved path. It was what, the minutes until, I found food? An apple tree. Red luscious apples. Juicy sweet apples. Shining glowing apples.
I took one from the tree and bit into it, took another and bit into that, and another and bit into that. To the point that I was overcome with nausea and vomited. After that I leaned my back on the trunk of the tree and slept.
I dreamt a dream as I slept. Something very unusual for me. A hazy one. One about a person that very much looked like me. Except this person looked happy. Looked alive. He shone with a bright aura. When he smiled, the world smiled. When he frowned the world frowned. It mimicked him. Followed his every move. Like a dog. A loyal dog. The look-a-like me was far from perfect though. Far from it. And the dog followed him into those unknown lands which he walked in. Followed to its own destruction. Yes. It was very much like a dog.
I awoke in the afternoon. I could tell it was the afternoon because the sun kissed at my face harshly. Yet so lovingly and caring as a mother would. I let my eyes stay closed and concentrated on what light seeped through my closed eyelids. The corners of my mouth stretched upwards. A sensation my face rarely felt. After awhile I heard a noise nearby me. I didn’t want to open my eyes. I wanted to stay like this forever. But I never get what I want. That’s when a hand prodded me. Shook my shoulders. Keeping my eyes closed I growled.
“Go away. Leave me be,” I said meekly
There was a sudden movement back and a loud gasp. I was curious by now and decided to open one eye. Light pierced into my eye painfully. I quickly shut it.
“I thought you were dead,” replied the voice.
“I’m not,” I said.
I wondered to myself briefly why should would think such a thing.
“No you are dead… You’re not breathing. You don’t have blood pumping through your body.”
“Does it really matter?”
“’Does it really matter?’ he says. Of course it does!”
“Why? Why do you care if blood pumps through me or not. Blood had nothing to do with me,” I added quietly.
There was no answer and curiosity allowed me to brave the light once more. I slowly opened my eyes cautiously and some seconds ticked by before my eyes adjusted. I stared at where the voice came from. I started at the Angel. A girl that looked bout the same ages as me. Yet her eyes seemed so much older. That’s when I realized that it was still dark. And that the light was radiating from her. It sent a shiver though me.
“What if I am dead? Are you here to take me away?” I asked.
I repeated myself when she didn’t answer. I decided I had enough of her gawking and stood up using the trunk of the tree to support me. The Angel took a step back.
“Are you afraid of me? If I’m as dead as you say then there’s nothing to fear.”
I held my hand out to her yet she still didn’t make a move. So I grabbed her arm. She gave a gasp, eyes widening to the point that they seemed to pop out. She tried to pull back but I held on. I locked my eyes with her.
“…you’re warm…but you’re dead…” was her response.
I let her go and slid down the tree, suddenly extremely tired. The Angel knelt on one knee and lifted my chin. Stroked my chin. And she wrapper her arms around my body. My body stiffened in surprise but I soon relaxed. I slowly rested my head on her shoulder. Caressed her hair. Brought it to my dry lips and whispered a cry of despair. Of dread and acknowledgment. She was right. I knew it deep down. Knew it from the moment I once again opened my eyes. I had felt the change. How everything had mysteriously turned silent. I was dead. Yet here I was, unable to pass on.
I was the first to stir from the embrace. She was yet still sleeping. I gently placed her against the apple tree. I examined her tear streaked face. She had cried for me. I really didn’t know why since I can do that myself. I didn’t ask for her tears. Yes she had cried for me. An Angel crying for the dead… Anger flared in me. Pure black hate. As pure as anything can be. It was sudden. It felt amazing. That’s when she opened her eyes. Looked at me with those eyes. I felt myself slowly deflate. And I felt ashamed. I could see it in her eyes. Those watery eyes. Love. It was there, as simple as that. There was love there in her eyes. I wanted to dive into those eyes. I looked in deeper into those lovely eyes of her and saw my own. My reflection. What she saw. I saw a stranger. Me. I had eyes filled with nothing. I swung my head to the side, unable to bear it anymore. I didn’t want to look at the proof of my death. Not now.
“When you asked me when I was scared, I was. But not of you. It was when I first saw you. You looked so dead. I was scared that I lost you before I even met you. The world seemed to grow so dim around me. But then you spoke. And my heart started to beat faster, happy and relieved that you were okay. And the world was bright again once more.”
I was in immense pain. It was everywhere. It tore at me from inside. She reached up and held my hand. And would you believe it, the pain vanished. I looked into her eyes, afraid. My whole body was shaking.
“You feel it to don’t you? We never asked for it but it’s there. It’s there.”
She was right. Right about everything. Her love for me and my love for here was just as real as the apple tree. To deny it would mean your own death. What I had mostly been doing from the beginning. It wasn’t my fault. No. I learned not to love as a child because of my detachment from the world. I never learned to love. I had denied it. Denied it because no one ever loved me. And her she was, loving me and I loving her. The sudden clarity of the world had brought immense pain. I never realized how blind I had been.
“My name is Joshua,” I said.
“And mine is Catherine.”
She placed her hand on my chest as she leaned forward to kiss me. A faint beating beginning in my chest.
heart
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OHHEYYIMBLONDENOW;;
I dont wanna get inside your mind or your pants;
I don't wanna waste my time with love and romance.
I want my next ex-boyfriend.