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This was posted on a therian forum I go to. It's one of those things I'm super sensitive about and don't bring to Gaia(therianthropy, that is).


When I was a kid, I was so happy to be Cherokee. I was told that I was 1/8 Cherokee, and that was all I cared about. I was so happy to be a part of the culture, and I was always fascinated by it. I always wanted to, even now, go visit or live on a reserve for a while, and just try and take everything in.

Hell, I even tried (futiley) to learn the pretty much dead language of the Cherokee.

But, when standardized tests rolled around, and you were supposed ot fill in your race/ethnicity, I got a little confused. I started marking Native American, but then thought better of it, and asked my parents. They said mark white, and I've been doing that ever since, even though I consider Cherokee as what I am - much like how you consider yourself animals(or otherkin.. Well, you get my idea).

Now that I'm out of highschool and going into college, I'm looking at many different scholarships. There's one with an essay and a portfolio of work that mentioned how it prefers minority groups. Going by this, I prepare the essay as I've done so many others. I'm white, non-racial, blahblah majority.

But my father comes in and makes a stong mention of how I should write about how I'm Cherokee. Here's a snippet of that from my journal entry, which should be more accurate since I wrote it right after this happened:

It's a journal entry, and it's a rather private journal so I cuss in it a lot. That's besides the point.

Still having not written the essay, I decide to apply online first(as the sheet says that's step one and you have to do it online). Knowing my father and how he works, I'm just not going to bother arguing with him, despite how much of an insult it is to me, and take advantage of these people who prefer minority groups.

I get to the classic "Describe your race/ethnicity" question.
Considering our last conversation, I decide to ask my mom what she thinks I should put down. White, non-racial, as always, or Cherokee, so I can better stand my ground on taking advantage of these people.

We get into a conversation, and she reveals to me that not only am I not 1/8th Cherokee, but that I may not even be Cherokee at all. She went into the Family tree a while a go and it doesn't sound Cherokee - it sounds Hispanic.

She proceeds to tell me that I am only 1/16th, if what her mother is telling her is true and my mom and her brother magically misread the family tree(or that Cherokees decided to have hispanic names), and to Put down which you relate with more.

I say I definately relate to Cherokee more, but I don't want to put it down since I've never put it down before, and it feels like I'd be taking advantage of the scholarship people if I did.
I said I'd think about it, all the time wanted to crawl in a hole and cry that my life was over.

She then told me some things about getting into a Band, to prove I was CHerokee, but you have to prove your lineage for that, and of course there's the whole damn family tree problem.

So now what the hell am I supposed to do? What if I'm not really Cherokee(in blood)?

Does that make me any less Cherokee than how I feel?

I mean, I don't know if I should feel Cherokee because I AM Cherokee in some way(real or reincarnated or something) or if I only fel CHerokee because I was told I was Cherokee at a very young age.

But it's not like the heritage was shoved down my throat all these years - I sought after it, I looked into it, I wanted to be a part of it, I was the one enfatuated with it.

I just don't know what to feel about this. I feel like my skin was ripped off my body and hung over a scarecrow post to laugh at.