I'm fine. Content. Alright. Seriously. I'm okay. it's nothing. really. I'm perfectly fine.
I'm...not unwell?
I'm horrid. I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I'm tired. I'm not here. I'm ready to quit thank you very much.
I'm happy.
No I'm not.
I'm dead.
yes. Thats it. the best way to describe this. I've given up and I'm feeling dead. I'm just going along with life. I'm tired of caring. of trying. So i give up. I'm tired of drama, of stupid "friends" I'm tired of trying to be happy all the time. I'm tired of trying to smile. I'm tired of everything. I don't want to try anymore.
I want to be.
I want to be happy, I want to smile all the ******** time. I want to be fine, content, not unwell.
I don't want to try this hard to seem that. I want to stop having break downs in the restrooms. To stop crying in empty stalls. I want to stop screaming into my pillow at night and wishing i was dead every other night.
I want to write a happy poem for once. I want to cuddle up next to someone who loves me. I want but unfortunately I can't have. I can never have. For i do not deserve to have. To hold. To live. All these things i do not deserve.
Oh god.
I bet anybody who reads this (if anyone does. I never know these days) will have no idea what is going on. in fact i would encourage them to stop reading these entries for they are filled with nothing but My own bullshit. So thanks but no thanks. I even have no idea where the ******** my own head is taking me. For really this is what my journal is. the adventures of my own thoughts. I write as i think so i think as i write.
wow. I'm going insane. I've also taken a huge detour of what i had originally been saying. how odd. I'll stop now. I"m probably confusing you.
The best people are MAD
Hearts have often bled from words that have gone unsaid
By the time you finished reading this, you’ll realize that you’ve wasted five seconds of your life
 Ritsuka Uchiha 182 · Mon May 24, 2010 @ 01:43am · 0 Comments |
