i hate it when i have an insomniac nights because it is always on the night i have to wake up early in the morning (today it happens to be 5:30). i tried everything to make myself go to sleep but who am i kidding i know the real reason why i can't. i know that im trying to stuff my emotions into my abysmal box of things that i refuse to feel. im not exactly sure when i started doing this but i belive that several factors are: experiencing first hand that the people closest to you hurt you the most, knowing that i never had a childhood, and that as i grew up i was forced to conform to what my mom need me to be. personally i try to avoid any situation that causes me to anylaze my inner most thoughts, but alas sometimes they are non-avoidable. now the whole reason why i decided to type this journal entry is because my sister was listening to this dude on the radio that reminded me of doctor phil. now for some odd reason this reminded me about my current situation, a few months ago my dad moved out and i cried but continued on with life. a few days ago my mom told us that she is filing for divorce and i sat there not suprised because i knew it was bound to happen. but during the months he was gone my mom would cry because she felt bad about me being the grown up to which i pointed out that i never really had a childhood so this was nothing new, but only resulted in her feeling more guilty(opps). and i guess that secretly i felt that my dad had pretty much took any respect and trust i had for him and pulverized it. now don't get me wrong i still love the guy but its just that even if he had come back i would always feel like he would leave at any moment and to tell you the truth im honestly happy that he isnt coming back.
Panda_103 Community Member 
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