Lately I've been feeling a sort of loneliness consuming me, I'm usually not a sad person, in fact it takes a lot to get me down, but a recent series of events in my life have my head in a twist and my emotions darken slightly. How do you cope with wanting a friend who has hurt you so much but you want them back in your lives so badly. Sounds pretty pathice, I know that if I were an outsider hearing a person complain about the same things then I'd just roll my eyes and tell them they don't need friends like that. I don't have many friends, though the saying is rather have a few good friends than thousands fake ones but the thing is I grew up with this girl. She was a my bestfriend for the longest time. I have a few other great friends but I've only known them for a few years. I know her inside and out and she knows me.
I'm probably whining now, the girl's name is mayra, and well I guess I thought that I was getting over this, that I don't need her in my life, but thats bullshit. She's family and the type of friend that I don't need to make plans with or anything because I can stop by her house and it'll be just like home. Well at least it use to be. I don't know what to do. She told me to get out of her life through a text message which is what really hurt me the most and every time I try to make contact with her she just answers what she wants and pretends the other stuff that I wrote was never there. I make her sound like a horrible person, and maybe she is, but I'm so alone now a days. And when I think back when I was younger every time I felt alone I went to her..... Maybe I need to grow up. Maybe thats my problem that I must face here. But how do you push away the one person who really knows you best.
God I sound like I'm talking about an ex lover, dammit I hate this, I hate that I can't understand her at all and that I can't even talk to her. It ******** sucks dammit, everything about this sucks. I'm in a school where everyone is an a*****e, where everyone couldn't careless about everyone else, where the closest friend you make is someone who just tells funny jokes all of which those jokes are about sex. A school where I don't want to make friends, I wish that she went to my school. Yes thats how bad it is, I want the one person who made my life hell in my school. There are people who loves being loved and other people who loves loving, I'm the type of person who loves loving but when I can't find anyone who I can see on a regular bases, who can talk to me. Who I can see somewhat as a sister, because thats how I saw her, then maybe I'm gonna be alone for a long time.
EvilCanInfectAnyone Community Member 
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