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Disclaimer: I do (NOT) own Evangelion or any references I made in this story. If you know the references are from, get yourself a cookie cuz I don’t have any to give out. Like I would give out MY cookies. Thank you and enjoy! Not the cookies.

Summary: What if Shinji was a docile boy, but looks a lot more than you gave him for. He maybe more trouble than he is worth it. What will this cause? Hilarity will ensue.

Legend:
Bold - scene transfer
Italics - Shinji’s thoughts

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CHAPTER THREE: THE COMING

After much talking, thinking and some casualties that won’t be mentioned…

“Alright, I’ll do it,” Shinji proclaimed. Gendo smiled.

“Have Unit 01 be reconfigured and move out,” Gendo ordered before leaving. Ritsuko started to prep Unit 01 for battle and techs were getting ready as well.

Shinji looked down at the girl lying in his arms. He picks her up and laid her down on the stretch cart. The doctors then took her and left the area.

“Alright, since I agreed to this, let’s get started.” Shinji turns toward Ritsuko. “Dr. Akagi. What do I do now?”

Ritsuko turned towards him and answered, “Like I said before. All you’ll have to do is just sit in it. So for starters, just climb up that ladder,” Ritsuko points at the ladder at her left. “And then just sit in the cockpit.” Shinji raised an eyebrow at that word.

“You want me to sit in a what now?”

“A cockpit.”

“Whoa now! Now, now. Let’s not get nasty alright. I just asked where I should sit.” Ritsuko just looked at him with an annoyed look.

“Look Shinji. It’s not what you think it is. It’s just a cockpit.”

“I bet you’ve done it before plenty of times to get that understanding.” Ritsuko vein popped. Misato just looked at them in amusement.

“And what are you implying?” Ritsuko glared angrily at him. Shinji sweat dropped at that look.

“Nothing! But still. I am not going in some kind of c**k pit. It sounds gross.” Ritsuko just face-palmed while Misato just laughed.

“Shinji. Do you even know what a cockpit is?” Ritsuko asked. Shinji just shook his head.

“Nope. Never heard it before. But definitely heard of THAT word before.” Ritsuko started to get a migraine and rubbed her head.

“Look Shinji. Just climb in the damn thing before we all die ok?!” Ritsuko shouted at Shinji. Shinji nodded rapidly. Ritsuko handed him some kind of clips.

“What are these?” Asked Shinji.

“They are A-10 clips. They clip onto your head. It’s to help us get a better reading of you when you are inside.”

“OK. But remember. I am in no way, no how responsible for ANYTHING that happens while in that thing. So if the Earth blows up. I did NOT do it…yet anyway.” Misato looked at him, while he clips it to his head.

“Shinji. Why are you always saying about blowing up the world?” Ritsuko was piqued by this as well.

“I what now? Who wants to blow up the world?” Both Ritsuko and Misato just face-palmed themselves…that has been happening a lot lately. Doesn’t it hurt when someone do that?

“Just get in the damn thing already!” Ritsuko shouted at him. Shinji immediately ran to the ladder and climbed into the cockpit. Ritsuko and Misato headed to the bridge to analyze and watched the situation from there.

Both arriving at the bridge, we see three people on consoles. Two males and one female wearing standard NERV uniform. The males are Makoto Hyuga, and Shigeru Aoba. The female is Maya Ibuki. Up in the balcony are Kozuo Fuyutsuki, Second-in-Command and the Supreme Commander himself, Gendo Ikari…the b*****d. And on the screen are the one and only Shinji Ikari riding in the cockpit…ok that does not sound wrong at all.

“Maya. Start the reconfiguration,” Ritsuko ordered. Maya doing as she is told started pressing keys to activate the system. As soon the system activated. The cockpit started to fill up with orange liquid.

“Whoa! Ho! What the hell!? I thought you said I had to sit in it, not drown and die!” Shinji exclaimed as he held his breath as the liquid started to rise up to his chest.

“Don’t worry. That’s LCL. It’s breathable and it’s to help you dull the impacts.” Ritsuko answered. Shinji breathed it in, but he still did not like it.

“Looks like pee,” Shinji said.

“Oh suck it up! You’re a man aren’t you?” Misato berating him.

“Suck up what now?! Whether I am man or not. I will suck up no one’s pee and not even my own! Speaking of which! I really need to go since I got here. And looking at pee is not helping!” Everyone in the bridge sweat dropped at that…yes even Gendo.

“Shinji why didn’t say anything if you needed to go?” asked Misato.

“Well you told me to read that book and then there was about thinking whether I should pilot this thing. I sort of forgot. So…can I go?” Misato just rubbed her head in annoyance.

“Sorry Shinji. But you will have to hold it in.”

“Aahhhhhoooohhhh!” Shinji groaned.

“Maya.” Ritsuko looking at her.

“Yes ma’am. Starting reconfiguration. A-10 connection normal.” Shinji inside the cockpit started seeing colors of the rainbow and sparkles.

What the…? I hope they are not implying that I go that way. The color then went to red to black then he sees the hanger, the room he was in.

“All preliminary contacts established. Performance nominal.”

“Whoa,” Shinji said in amazement. “Hopefully I won’t have to go through this again though.”

“Fineries circuit opened. Sync ratio at 41.1%.” Maya continues to analyze.

“Amazing,” Ritsuko said in fascination.

“Harmonics seem to be normal. I see no disturbances,” said Maya.

“Yeah right. That boy is anything but normal,” said Misato.

“I heard that,” Shinji speaking through the screen. Ritsuko ignoring him, turned to look at Misato.

“Let’s do it!” Misato nodded.

“Begin launch sequence!”

In the hanger the techs are readying the launch.

“Beginning launch sequence.”

“Removing primary lock bolt” Locks released on the shoulders.

“Removal confirmed.”

“Removing the umbilical bridge.” A bridge connected removed and moved away.

“Removing secondary lock bolts.”

“Removing primary restraints.”

“Removing secondary restraints.”

Holy crap! How many locks are there? It’s like they are trying to get me to pee in here. Oh God I hope not. Geez lets get this over already! I GOTTA GOOOOO!

And get over already we shall. So after so many locks removed and adding in a battery and a plug…hehehe…how stupid…Unit 01 was prepped onto the launch pad.

“Launch pad clear. All systems green.” Maya giving an analysis.

“Evangelion ready for launch,” said Ritsuko.

“Understood,” said Misato. She turned to look at Gendo, who is doing his Gendo trademark pose, “Can we really do this?”

Wow. No confidence in me at all…then again…I wouldn’t either.

“Of course,” Gendo replied, “Unless we defeat the angel, we have no future.” How grim is that.

“Ikari. Are you absolutely certain?” Fuyutsuki asked. Gendo just smiled. *coubastardth*
“Eva launch!” Misato shouted. Thus the Eva Unit 01 was launched.

“Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh…!” Shinji screamed as the G-force is going against him and a particular part of him as well. Oh sonava b***h! They are trying to get me to pee myself! Hold on bladder! Hold on!

Reaching the surface, Shinji sees the angel and the angel staring back at him…were the case if he wasn’t…

“Oh God! I’m coming! I’m coming! I can’t hold it in!” Everyone in the bridge hearing that sweat dropped massively…including Gendo.

“Shinji! Hold it will you? And get ready! Release final safety locks!” Misato ordered.

The locks on the shoulders that were holding Unit 01 was released.

“Evangelion Unit 01 move out!” Misato shouted. Man these people love to make things dramatic out of things that already is dramatic. Like those soap opera shows.

“Shinji, just concentrate on walking for now.” Ritsuko instructed.

What? Thinking? I have to think to move this? Eh. Better than those flimsy controls the power rangers used. How do they move them with just a stick?

“OK. Let’s take this nice…” Willing the Evangelion, it took one step forward, destroying a nearby phone booth.

“He’s walking!” Ritsuko said excitedly. Why when she said that, it reminded me of Frankenstein?

“Ok. Nice and slooooooooooow OH GOD!” Taking another step forward only to lose balance and fall down. “Ha owww. That really hurts!” All that is required for me is to sit in this thing. All that is required my a**!

“Shinji, are you OK?” Misato asks worriedly.

“Uhhhh…” Before Shinji could answer, he sees the Angel coming towards. OH CRAP!

“Hey. Hurry and get up. Get up Shinji!” Misato panicking.

Easy for you to say. YOU aren’t in this thing. YOU aren’t required to sit in this thing and think! Seriously! Where did they get you and how did you get that job?

The Angel, Sachiel, picked up Unit 01 by the head to its feet with its left hand and his right hand on Unit 01 left hand.

Oh crap, crapity, crap! What do I do? This thing is going to kill me if I don’t do anything. Oh God please let this thing be a male!

Shinji willed Unit 01 to lift its right leg and promptly swing it legs into Sachiel place of no return.

Sachiel looked at the Evangelion with confusion as to what it was doing. So it just threw Shinji into a couple of buildings.

“Ow. That was rude.” Shinji rubbed his head in pain and looked onto his screen to see the Angel coming towards him. Ok. What to do? I don’t think I can beat big, bad and ugly over there in a fist fight. I don’t have any weapons…weapons…weapons?

“Hey Misato?”

“What is it Shinji?”

“What are my weapons?”

“Just think about activating your weapon system.”

“Oh ok. Weapon system huh? Man it better be good. I hope it’s some kind of big gun. A sword. A chain saw. Or maybe this thing could shoot a big-a** laser from its mouth. Or…,” the right shoulder opened up and a weapon came out and Shinji grabbed the weapon, “it’s a god damn small knife…” Shinji just looks at the knife.

“Misato…what am I suppose to do with this?”

“What do you mean? You fight with it of course.”

“With THIS? Hell no!”

“Shinji…!”

“Are freaking serious! What can I…” Shinji starts to wave the knife around, and it slips out of his hand flying towards the Angel’s core, which didn’t bother to put up its A.T. Field. Being struck in the core it blew up sending a huge cross in the night sky, “do…with…this?” Shinji looks toward the crater where the Angel used to stand.

Everyone just looked at their screen dumb-founded at what happened.

“Oops. My bad. Didn’t mean for that to happen.”

“Shinji. What do you mean ‘oops’? You killed the Angel.”

“I know Misato. But I didn’t mean to kill it like that. It was an accident. The knife just slipped. Honest!” Everyone just continue to look at him dumb-founded.

“Whatever. I’ll send a team out to pick you up. Just stay there ok?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m not going anywhere.” Shinji just looks at the hole that the explosion made.

“Anti-climatic…but what can you do. Oh well. Alls well that ends well. ”

Back in the bridge of NERV…

“Ikari. Was this in the scenario?” Fuyutsuki looked at Gendo with an amused face.

“Hmmmm,” Gendo just stared at his son with only angry thoughts.

A/N: Sorry for the long update. It’s just I didn’t get the inspiration to write. Especially since the time I wrote this story was the time Halo: Reach came out. Hopefully I’ll get the inspiration to write again. This is by no means a cancellation of the story. It’s just gonna be updated a lot slower than I thought. I do not have any thoughts to stop writing this story. It will be finished. R/R