It's not often that I do this, in fact it's not often I come back to this site. I find myself here as part of some strange journey through my life. I'm finding all of the things I regret and regretting that I can't find a way to change them. Yet the regrets form some strange strength in me, something that allows me to keep moving despite the weight that rests inside of me.
I guess, the real reason, I came here is to apologize. Even though the person I want to apologize to isn't here at the moment. I have no idea if she even checks her gaia anymore, let alone my journal. I remember many times where these little blogs were some of the most intimate conversations we could have with one another.
I miss them.
I miss her even more.
I can't help but feel that this is some futile attempt at trying to correct something I viewed as a mistake. All the things I learned from her I carry to this day, in fact, it was because of her that I've become a better person. It's just not the same to only receive facial expressions from a dream construct.
Yes, you left such an impact on me, that you've become engraved in my dream world.
I always look forward to those visits, where I may see you again.
I still haven't found the strength to call you again, it also doesn't help that my SIM card doesn't have your number. I'm afraid to call you because I'm afraid that you'll reject me in a way. I wish to hear your voice again, to see you smile, to be in your presence. Time has changed so many things, things I wish to share, and words I wish I could've said.
Despite this selfish notion, I am more than happy that you're doing well in life, that you're happy, and that you're where you want to be.
I just wanted to let this out, someway, so that, hopefully, you may see it.
It seems I can no longer pull the desired thoughts and translate them to words. I'll just end with three very simple words, that should have more depth than this entire journal.
"I miss you."
I guess, the real reason, I came here is to apologize. Even though the person I want to apologize to isn't here at the moment. I have no idea if she even checks her gaia anymore, let alone my journal. I remember many times where these little blogs were some of the most intimate conversations we could have with one another.
I miss them.
I miss her even more.
I can't help but feel that this is some futile attempt at trying to correct something I viewed as a mistake. All the things I learned from her I carry to this day, in fact, it was because of her that I've become a better person. It's just not the same to only receive facial expressions from a dream construct.
Yes, you left such an impact on me, that you've become engraved in my dream world.
I always look forward to those visits, where I may see you again.
I still haven't found the strength to call you again, it also doesn't help that my SIM card doesn't have your number. I'm afraid to call you because I'm afraid that you'll reject me in a way. I wish to hear your voice again, to see you smile, to be in your presence. Time has changed so many things, things I wish to share, and words I wish I could've said.
Despite this selfish notion, I am more than happy that you're doing well in life, that you're happy, and that you're where you want to be.
I just wanted to let this out, someway, so that, hopefully, you may see it.
It seems I can no longer pull the desired thoughts and translate them to words. I'll just end with three very simple words, that should have more depth than this entire journal.
"I miss you."
